


Saviors of the Forsaken World

by KR Grim (KR_Grim)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Fantasy AU, Magic, Opium
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-03-24
Updated: 2011-09-01
Packaged: 2017-10-17 06:02:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/173683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KR_Grim/pseuds/KR%20Grim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two sets of young adults from across the Worldsedge are the only hope. The prophesied heroes must enter the realm beyond the Rift Between The Worlds and bring an end to a war that threatens to spill into the world and threaten us all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Great Khan

**Author's Note:**

> OK, this AU takes some major twists with the setup of the world. As opposed to most AUs where trolls and humans live together, the two different species don't _realize_ they're different species. This will, of course, lead to some fun times up ahead. But for now, we'll sit and watch the first chapter.
> 
> Also, I'm using the convention of epigraphs to open each chapter! Enjoy...

_“It is dangerous to be right in matters where established men are wrong.” — Mata Hari_

 **Plains of Ak-Malar, Eastern Atzkir Khanate**

“Fuuuck,” muttered a stoned voice from the Khan’s tent. “So… you’re sayin’ that I gotta become the matesprit of the bitchy lady from Selm-aht-Brûk? Fuckin’ hell.”

Terezi Pyrope kneeled before the Khan. “My liege, it is entirely necessary for this to proceed. I have been informed so by the Khatan’s own advisor.” She kept her head bent, but she sniffed to picture the scene. His face was still coated in white war-paint; the opium pipe was still in his mouth. The scent permeated the air, and it was difficult for the advisor to keep the images as clear as she liked. Then again, such was the price paid for keeping him under control.

“Wicked,” he said. “So the Khatan can’t even escape an arranged matespritship? She’s the biggest motherfucker in this whole motherfuckin’ miracle.” He breathed out another mouthful of opium smoke. “Sure I can’t interest you in a toke, my lead shit-kicker?”

“Thank you,” she said, “but I believe I will need my wits about me when I begin to spar with the Khatan’s advisor again.” The Khan laughed.

“Fuck, you got me. Hey, uh, fuck. Send in… what the fuck’s his name. Temmuj. Send that fucker in, I want to talk to him again.”

“Right away,” said Pyrope, standing up. “With your permission?”

“Yeah, fuck it, go on.” Terezi wasted little time in leaving the tent.

As she entered her own tent, she turned to the servant at the entrance. “He wishes to be entertained by Temmuj Qingis again. You know what to do.” The brown-blooded servant nodded; he was a good soldier, but like all the Khan’s soldiers, his loyalty was primarily based in fear. Even when the Khan’s senses were dulled by the strange drug from beyond the mountains, he was a formidable foe and not averse to killing one who attacked him. It was said that such was the fate of the one who had scarred his right eye, a green-blood traitor who he had executed personally.

Terezi sat at her small table, sipping the ginseng tea that had been put out for her. She grabbed the book that lay on it, an ornate magical tome labeled _The Calibrator of the Gallows_ , and opened it up. A new message was beginning to write itself in there, in jade-green ink. She smiled as she read it.

 **  
Terezi We Must Talk. There Is Something Weighing Heavily On My Mind Namely The Requirement Of The Four Trolls From Psokles. How Can We Determine Who They Are.   
**

Terezi laughed. Of all the things to ask… She almost wondered if her contact had been smoking some of Gamzee’s opium. She quickly scrawled a message back.

 **  
NO N33D TO WORRY. 1 TOLD YOU, W3’R3 US1NG 4 CONT4CT OF M1N3 1N TH3 OP1UM TR4D3. H3’S TH3 1MP3R4TOR’S H1GH M4G3. H3’LL M4K3 SUR3 W3 H4V3 4LL TH3 P3OPL3 W3 N33D. 1 TH1NK H3’S CHOS1NG WHO TO BR1NG ON H1S OWN.   
**

The return message was almost instantaneous. Terezi grinned. The Gods bless whoever came up with these magic books.

 **  
May I Have His Name Then? I Would Like To Pass On What My Dream Oracles Said Personally. Please Terezi. I Have Already Given You A List Of Contacts In The Tsardom.   
UGH, F1N3. YOU DON’T H4V3 TO B3G, 1T M4K3S YOU LOOK N33DY. H1S BOOK 1S T1TL3D “TH3 TW1NN3D 4RM4G3DDONS”. 1 H4V3 TO W4RN YOU, THOUGH. DON’T M4K3 FUN OF H1S L1SP OR TH3 PL4N WON’T B3 4BL3 TO GO THROUGH B3FOR3 TH3 PROPH3S13D 3V3NT.   
I Am Fairly Competent In The Area Of Tact. Still I Will Make Note Of Your Suggestion. It Is Entirely Possible That Even More Tact Than You Often Require Will Be Necessary. But Now I Must Be Going.   
GOOD LUCK, K1D.   
… Good Luck Pyrope.   
**

The ink stopped writing with that. She sighed. Any other night, she would have contacted him herself, but… The other advisor had been insisting for weeks now that she be given his book title. She set aside the book and continued to sip her tea. The Khatan’s advisor was smart and, as much as she hated to admit it, more tactful than she. But her bluntness was part and parcel of her blindness. She ran her fingers over the places where her eyes had been torn out. She had made her pay, thanks to the other troll’s strange obsession with the oracle retrieved from the City of the Green Sun. It hadn’t killed her, though. It wasn’t supposed to. Not yet. Even if it would make travel through there difficult. It wouldn’t make it impossible.

Terezi picked up her pen and began writing in the book again, waiting for her other contact to answer.

***

 **Spymaster’s Chambers, Tsar’s Palace, Kyushkov**

Vriska Serket went over the papers again and again. The evidence was inescapable. There was yet another plot on the Tsaritsa’s life, and like every other one so far, she was the first target. She rolled her remaining eye. “Morons,” she said. She placed a hand on her left shoulder, all that remained of her left arm. “They think that I’m stupid fucking pawn. I’m not a pawn. I’m the goddamn chessmaster.”

Something echoed under the pile of papers. Her tome, emblazoned with the title _In the Grip of the Spider_ , was signaling that someone had messaged her. She opened it up and grimaced at the sender. Seriously? Her again? What did she want this time, apart from her usual tearing up of your incredibly busy schedule?

 **  
serket, i have need of y0u. we are g0ing t0 g0 0ver the plan again per pyr0pe’s instructi0ns. gather the 0thers and bring them t0 my chamber.   
8luh… which others? The captain should be with you alreaaaaaaaady.   
i want y0u t0 bring my beastmaster as well.   
I have to 8ring that low8lood? Uuuuuuuugh… can’t it w8 until l8r? I mean, it 8n’t like Terezi’s instructions are gonna up and vaaaaaaaanish!   
y0u f0rget y0ur place, vriska. bring him 0ver here N0W.   
Fiiiiiiiine.   
**

She shut the book more forcibly than she usually would have. Stupid fucking Tsaritsa. Always making her do things she didn’t want to. Always stealing her control. Perhaps she’d just plain not go. That would show her. Yeah! Vriska would stay behind, and her Majesty could just fucking deal.

She shuffled through the papers again. There had to be some way to make this easier. Perhaps she should look into prosthetics — but no. The prosthetics of the Tsardom were horrible and ugly and low-quality. She’d be better off without one of those abominations. She opened her book and picked a name. This one had given her the promise of something in the future.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Most Virile Testicle of the Centaur_   
Hey! Heeeeeeeey!   
what is it. i am e%tremely busy, serket. your prostheti% are still in my personal metalworking shop if you want to di%cuss payment.   
Yeah, sure! How a8out 8 8oon8ucks? ::::)   
you insult my b100-b100ded heritage with that estima%ion. i require no fewer than fifty boonbu% for such a work of art.   
Pffffffff. You’d use that money to pay off more soldiers to 8attle our 8oys in the gulf! No way, 8ucko. 8een 8oon8ucks is my final offer!   
eighteen boonbu% w001d not even pur%ase a black oracle in this land. i w001d advise you to a%cept my offer of thirty-five boonbu%.   
Gimme a 8r88888888k. Thirty-five would drain my treasury down to nothing! 8ut I suppose I could go to twenty-four?   
twenty-four is more reasonable than you have been, but given that you have been 100d and outright insulting that is not saying much. thirty, and that is my final offer.   
M8ke it twenty-8 and we have a deal.   
deal.   
Good! I’ll 8e over when the 8ig plan kicks off.   
i will be waiting, b100-b100d.   
**

Vriska closed the book and sighed. It would be time to contact that nitwit in the animal yard soon and get him over here. Well, over to the Tsaritsa’s chamber. And she’d probably have to assist him in walking over there. Stupid horse-riding son of a bitch with atrophied legs. Still, there wasn’t really much she could do. Steeling herself, She stood up and began walking off to the beastyard.

***

 **Outside the Imperial Audience Hall, Imperator’s Palace, Ithenoi**

“No, I don’t think he’ll be more in the mood to hear my omenth after you’ve given him thome attention.” Sollux Captor readjusted his glasses and looked at the feline mistress of the great Imperator. “Our mighty ruler ith madder than a whole flock of theagullth, after all. Bethideth, you’re the General’th good friend. You’ll need to calm him down after thith meeting. I know what the Imperator’th planning.”

“Aww… But if the Impurrator understood… purrhaps you could be furgiven!”

“Forgiven for what?” He indicated a set of diagrams he’d brought with. “Thethe are the omenth. There’th no denying what they thay. And the Imperator ith not going to like them.” He sighed. “They might even thend him into a worthe mood.” Turning around, he began to walk off.

“Sollux! Wait!” She was probably about to bound after him when the door to the Imperator’s chamber flew open.

“General, you can fuckin wait outside! Oh fuck, you’re here too? Look, now is NOT THE FUCKIN TIME. We are going to do this fuckin war and that is final!”

“I refuse to sacrifice more of our ships on this idiotic nonsense!” Sollux banged his head against a wall. Today was going so horribly. “We cannot hope to capture the Tsardom’s land and it would be immensely foolish to try! I will leave your presence now, my Emperor, and hope that you return to your senses by I have returned.” The general stalked off, and when Sollux turned and looked, he could see the Imperator’s consort following him, consoling him.

“Captor!” Great. Fucking great. “The omens, how do the omens read? They agree with me, do they not? The time is ripe to inwade the Tsardom. The Tsaritsa’s spymistress will aid me in deposing the dirt-blooded tyrant and then Kaisur will be unable to raise a single senatorial finger against me, right?”

Sollux cleared his throat. “Actually, my Imperator, we have twelve dayth in which to prepare. If by the thirteenth day we do not leave the Imperial City in the company of our fated companionth, Cagula Kaithur will kill you, ath well ath the General.” The Imperator snarled. “I would, of courthe, be mounted on a pike and marched through the thtreetth, and your concubine…”

“What of her?”

“There ith a most horrible fate in thtore for her. Thhe would be thent into the Citadel of the Green Thun in the nude.”

“But the light there would kill her!” A brief moment of concern flitted across the Imperator’s face. Sollux understood why, of course; the troll was the only one who would enter into a red romance without coercion. “Wery well. What do we hawe to do?”

“The four of uth mutht prepare for the day when the Khatan of Thelm-aht-Brûk cometh to our humble Imperium in the company of theven other trollth.” Sollux turned. “And now, I mutht conthult with the oracleth who have dithpatched to me my important job.”

“Your informants on the plan, I’m aware a this. And you’re fuckin sure a your omens, Captor?”

“Completely certain, Imperator.” He paused, then said, “Altho, I mutht coordinate opium thhipmentth to the Plainth of Ak-Malar.”

“Fine, ship your fuckin opiates, I’m too tired to argue. Inform me when the Khatan arriwes. I want to be on the mowe before anyone realizes our plan.” Sollux nodded. “You are dismissed, Mage Captor. Now get the fuck outta my sight, you wermin-fanged lispin shit!”

Sollux grabbed his book, a tome entitled The Twinned Armageddons. “Eathier than I thought it’d be,” he said, running a finger down the list of contacts. This one would be particularly good to talk to.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Study of the Origins of Tumorous Diseases_   
hey, dude.   
WOAH, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING AT THIS HOUR. DON’T YOU REALIZE THAT I’M IN A FUCKING MEETING WITH THE FUCKING TSARITSA?   
oh, 2orry. anyway, ii wa2 ju2t wonderiing when your biit of the plan wa2 goiing two get underway. ii mean, not liike iit’2 any of my bu2iine22, but i gotta know, riight? 2o that ii can 2et up thiing2 for when you all get here?   
YEAH, I GET THAT. GLORIOUS LEADER’S BEING CAGEY ABOUT THE WHOLE THING, SURPRISE SURPRISE. SAYS SHE’S GOTTA CONTACT ONE OF THE ONES ACROSS THE WORLDSEDGE. SOMEONE SHE’D SAID YOU’D KNOW, THE GNOME IN THE GARDEN OR SOMETHING.   
the garden of gno2ii2? yeah, ii know her, 2he’2 a trade partner. what’2 2he got two do wiith all thii2? ii2 2he our contact on the other 2iide of the world2edge?   
PROBABLY, FUCK IF I KNOW. ANYWAY THAT’S WHAT SHE’S BEEN SAYING. HANG ON, I HAVE TO ANSWER ONE OF SERKET’S QUESTIONS AGAIN. GOD, SUCH A BITCH.   
**

Sollux waited patiently for the reply. Knowing his friend, though, it would probably be a while before the argument between them simmered down to the point where he could answer again.

 **  
OK. GOT YOUR ANSWER. YES, SHE’S OUR CONTACT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLDSEDGE, AND SHE’S GRABBING THREE OTHERS. INCLUDING SOMETHING CALLED A DUCHESS. AND THIS DUCHESS APPARENTLY WRITES IN A COLOR THAT’D MAKE YOUR IMPERATOR PAUSE.   
great. another fuckiing 2ea dweller. how many doe2 that make now, three? de2cendant of a whore. any iinfo on the other two?   
OTHER TWO?   
well, gg’2 blood ii2 a pretty weiird 2hade of green. 2o ii’m ju2t curiiou2 a2 two what the other two are liike, blood-wii2e.   
OH. WELL, THERE’S THE TRICKSTER’S SPIRIT, APPARENTLY, WHO’S A FUCKING BLUE-BLOOD. SO THAT BRINGS US UP TO THREE OF THEM.   
what about pyrope?   
SHE DOESN’T COUNT, SHE’S GREEN. AND THEN THERE’S THE FOURTH ONE WHO APPARENTLY THINKS THE HEMOSPECTRUM IS ONE BIG JOKE AND WRITES IN THIS GARISH CANDY RED.   
garii2h? hmm… well, that 2tiill leave2 u2 wiith two red-blood2, three 2ea dweller2 (ugh), four green-blood2 if we count pyrope a2 one… 2ay, what the hell are you, anyway? you aren’t a fiinle22 freak wiith 2ea-dweller blood, are you?   
DON’T BE FUCKING STUPID AND DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT. IT’S TWO ADHERENTS OF BLOOD ANONYMITY, JACKWAGON.   
oh, ii’m 2hakiing. 2o everythiing’2 ready?   
YEAH. WE’LL PROBABLY LEAVE IN THREE DAYS.   
add iin fiive for cro22iing the khanate2… okay, you 2hould be able two get here iin tiime. ju2t be careful, okay?   
…I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY THAT TO ME. OF COURSE I’LL BE FUCKING CAREFUL.   
**

Sollux put the book aside and retired to his study. He still had several calculations to get through, which were made no easier by his newly-designed difference engine. The General had helped in its construction, and in return Sollux had aided him in the forging of an arm for some noble bint. Probably one of the General’s dalliances. He turned to the window and sighed. Tonight was going to be a long night.

***

 **Castle Egbert, Outskirts of the Village of Pipe Lake**

From the window of Egbert Castle, the inestimable son of Count James the Mighty looked out at the massive spine of the Worldsedge Mountains. His good friend had informed him of the plan to meet at the village of Taurier and travel from there to the Selderhafen docks, where they would commandeer a boat to the Great Rift. It was a crazy plan, but John of Egbert knew better than most that crazy plans were the ones most likely to succeed, nine times out of ten because nobody expected them.

He paused. Another ugly fact had reared its head to him. “No plan ever survives contact with the enemy.” He looked at the portrait of his father. The strong nose, the inevitable presence of a pipe, the lithe frame belying the strength that could lift a mountain. For the first time in his twenty years of life, John would be heading to a place where contacting his father was impossible. That had never been the case, even when he’d stayed in Êlimands with the ex-Duchesse Lily and married her.

John grinned for a moment as he thought about the marriage. His step-sister was a good friend, of course, and if this whole “saving the world” business hadn’t come up, they probably would’ve gotten into an arranged marriage. That was how this worked. Any children would hold both titles. But… that was never going to be, now. She was a good friend. He just didn’t love her, and if his friend in Selderhafen was to be believed, the key to a truly successful marriage was love.

Which was why he picked up his communiqué book, emblazoned with the title _On the Natural Order of the Ephemeral_ , and began messaging someone who had, two years ago, captured his heart.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of In the Grip of the Spider_   
vriska, are you there? it’s me, john!   
Joooooooohhhhhhhhn! I’d hug you 8ut the whole distance thing. I just got done with the most 8ORING meeting. The Tsaritsa is a total 8itch and anyone who disagrees is a goddamn suckup. Anyway, what’s up?????????   
hehehehehehehehe. i was just thinking about our plans for when we meet up. any idea what you’ll be wearing so i know which insanely beautiful woman to look for?   
Joooooooohn! Honestly, you fl8terer, do you have to keep up the whole fac8de of all of us being beautiful girls? I know for a fact there’s six guys coming with. Including that idiot Imper8or. Ugh, the advances from him.   
well… that still leaves six! i’d rather be sure i know who you are!   
Fiiiiiiiine. I’ll 8e wearing a shirt that has this sym8ol on it: ♏ Ok? Think you can remem8er that?   
yeah, i can get that!   
Awesome! Oh, and I’ll 8e wearing glasses. Which I guess narrows down the girls to me and Terezi and the glu88ing Khatan. 8ut the Khatan is easy to tell anywaaaaaaaay! Oh! I almost forgot. I’ll have a ro8otic arm. It’ll 8e pretty hard to miss, 8eing all silvery and stuff.   
awesome. what’s a robot?   
It’s some sort of metal thing this 8rute in Psokles makes. He’s a 8it disgusting, 8ut apparently his craftsmanship is the 8est in the world. Not that I dou8t that. I just think he’s a 8it of a creeper. A useful creeper, 8ut a creeper nonetheless!   
yuck! well, i guess i’ll see you soon, right?   
I’d say two weeks and a 8it, 8ut i may 8e exagger8ing. And you’ll 8e there, right?   
of course!!! :D   
Yeah!!!!!!!! ::::D   
heh. ok, see you l8er!   
L8er, Eg8ert!   
**

John sighed as he closed the book. He could picture her now. A beautiful woman, with soft, pale skin that glinted in the morning sunlight. Her eyes, that unusual shade of blue, her lips, full and red. He could see her as clearly as he could his sister. But… Vriska was alluring. The Duchesse was… his sister.

John sighed as he drew little flowers in the margins of the opening pages of his book. “Ah, my wondrous one-armed angel,” he whispered to the night. “Soon we shall meet.”


	2. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> KARKAT VANTAS, HERO OF THE TSARDOM stops a few nobles before they can overthrow the Tsaritsa, Kanaya is an insomniac, and Dave has no idea what the Trolls are — but they're probably dragons, he figures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should've noted this last chapter, but I'm using 4 perspectives per chapter, and each of the first 4 chapters is an "introductions" chapter. I may eventually break the 4-perspectives-per-chapter thing, but... if that happens, it'll be _way_ down the line, as in at least chapter 30 or something. And yes, I'm betting on this taking at least 30 chapters.

_“Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.” — Martin Luther_

 **Khatan’s Aide’s Chamber, Palace of the Khans, Selm-aht-Brûk**

Kanaya Maryam paced. It was a nervous disorder of hers that kept her pacing even during the brutal hours of high noon. The plan was worrying and the odds of the survival of her group were slightly better than fifty percent. She had heard the estimations of her compatriot across the Worldsedge, the tales of daring where many more had escaped than should have. Perhaps those trolls across the Worldsedge were somehow different. Perhaps their Mother Grub had hatched imperfectly. Then again, perhaps not. The condition of a Mother Grub was not always the condition of the species as a whole.

She looked down at the paper before her. The Khatan’s name graced the top, followed by another earnest discussion of the plan. The plan was everything. Unless the Opium Addict was kept in the dark about the truth until the end, the plan would quickly fall to ruin. An opium train would be included in their travel times. They would reach just in time for… for what?

She picked up her book, _The Art Of Facilitation Through Disturbing Wisdom_ , and chose a contact, one she’d had some success with before.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Study of the Origins of Tumorous Diseases_   
I Find I Am In Need Of Your Help. Please. The Need Is Most Dire Especially Since We Are To Leave In Four Days.   
FUCKING HELL, MARYAM. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE FUCK TIME IT IS? IT’S NOON. MIDSUN. YOU KNOW, THE TIME WHEN REASONABLE TROLLS WOULD BE ASLEEP?   
The Trolls Across The Worldsedge Appear To Ge More Excited About Our Arrival With Each Passing Night. I Have Spoken With One More Than The Others And I Have Discovered A Discomforting Fact About Them. They Are Apparently Daywalkers.   
NO SHIT. DID THE FACT THAT THEY SEEM TO BE AWAKE WHEN WE ARE DESPITE LIVING ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE WORLD NOT TIP YOU OFF TO THAT FACT?   
I Will Thank You Not To Mention That.   
ANYWAY. WE’LL BE THERE SOON ENOUGH. IN THE MEANTIME YOU MIGHT WANT TO SEND SOME SOLDIERS OFF TO START A WAR OR SOMETHING. WARS TEND TO BE GOOD DISTRACTIONS. ISN’T THERE A KHAN OVER TO THE NORTH THAT HAS A CITY YOU COULD TAKE?   
I Would Rather Not Involve The City Of Kubaal In This. The Kubaal Khan Is Not Exactly A Patient Man. He Would Probably Storm Selm-Aht-Brûk If He Thought We Were Attacking Him.   
SO BEAT HIM TO IT. SIEGE HIS CITY. LAUNCH A FUCKING GRUBNOOK WAR, MARYAM. IT WOULD BE WELL WORTH IT. BESIDES, IT’S NOT LIKE WE’LL BE COMING BACK FOR A WHILE, WILL WE? WE’RE ON A FUCKING WORLD-SAVING QUEST. THOSE DON’T GENERALLY GET DONE IN A DAY.   
I Suppose You Are Right. Still It Is Not The Sort Of Thing I Would Normally Involve Myself In.   
FUCK. LISTEN, I NEED TO GET BACK TO SLEEP. I’M WILLING TO BET SOLLUX IS STILL UP IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO RANT AT.   
**

She closed the book; he had probably already fallen asleep again by now. Perhaps she could talk to one across the Worldsedge. She picked a contact and began writing.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of Counseling via Hydrostatic Appendages_   
Pardon Me But I Wish To Talk.   
Ah, Kanaya. It’s good to hear from you again. I trust everything is going smoothly?   
That Would Probably Be The Best Way To Describe It. And How Is John Doing These Days. Have You Seen Him Recently.   
I’ve talked with him. He’s currently managing Father’s estates while he and Mother are relaxing at ours. I have a feeling that Father will be returning when John leaves with more than just a wife.   
Ah Yes Those Strange Familial Ties I Have Often Had Trouble Understanding. Tell Me Has He Mentioned Any Plans Regarding Our Meeting.   
Yes, he has. Tell me, Kanaya, do you happen to know anyone named Vriska?   
She Is One Of Our Contacts In The Tsardom. Why Do You Ask.   
Because apparently John is looking forward to meeting her. He’s told me a great deal about her, including some rumors that I’m not sure I believe. Perhaps you can indulge my curiosity and prove their veracity, or lack thereof?   
I Will Certainly Attempt To. What Would These Queries Entail.   
Is it true that she only has one arm?   
Yes. She Lost The Other In A Struggle Against Terezi Pyrope The Details Of Which I Am Still Unsure Of. She Also Only Has One Eye Though I Imagine She Has Already Informed John Of it.   
He may have mentioned something along those lines. At any rate, what has you up so late? You’re not usually up at this time, are you?   
No I Am Not. However I Have Received Some Advice From The Blood Captain Of The Tsaritsas Guard That I Am Not Sure I Should Follow. He Suggests I Start A War As A Cover For Our Travels Against The Khan Of Kubaal Chezon Tading. While That Would Probably Give Us Some Cover It Would Also Mean That When We Return To This Land It Would be Difficult For Us To Return To Selm-Aht-Brûk Due To The Conditions And The Citys Loss Of The Tsaritsa. But Then Again Perhaps There Would Be A Way To Craft Our Own Kingdoms Instead Of Returning To Our Old Ones. In Truth I Have Not Given This Matter Much Thought. Perhaps I Should. Perhaps It Would Be   
Kanaya, you’re rambling.   
Sorry.  
It’s all right. I can understand where you’re coming from. Still, I think starting this war would be for your benefit, and for the Khatan’s benefit. It would give you cover, and you might even win.  
Im Not Sure On That Last Point But Thank You. I Will Keep That In Mind.  
You do that. In the meantime, I must prepare for the departure of Father and Mother, and the arrival of John. Until next time, Kanaya.  
Until Next Time.   
**

Kanaya closed her book. She would probably be able to sleep easier now that she knew what was going on. Yes, sleep would come to her now. She dragged herself to the recuperacoon and hopped in, quickly falling asleep.

***

 **Black Dragon Inn, Kyushkov**

The three conspirators looked around. The inn was noisy, and there was no sign of the nubby-horned Captain of the Tsaritsa’s Blood Guard there. They would be able to pull off this coup with perfect ease. The first target would, of course, be the Spymistress, not that they had informed her. She would be here tonight, without that wriggling ass-worm.

From nearby, Karkat Vantas watched from under a hood. The hood concealed his horns quite well, the one advantage of having horns that short. His sickle rested near his hand, the preferred weapon sitting right where he could easily grab it. He listened carefully, picking out the sounds of the conversation.

“You remember the plan, right, Grigor?” asked one. A corkscrew-horned troll nodded. “Good. Then as soon as Serket arrives, we’ll begin. And once she’s dead, we’ll be able to steer this land in the proper direction, starting with the destruction of that puny Imperium.” Karkat held back a laugh. These idiots wouldn’t know how to run an army if they were given a guide.

“And I’ll finally see what color Vantas bleeds,” replied the troll on Grigor’s left. Karkat smiled grimly. “I imagine he’s a blue-blood, for all his hatred of us.”

“If you say so, Smerrd,” said Grigor, looking at the troll on his right. His horns were swept-back, creating a truly disturbing facial profile. “Well Moskev? What’s keeping her?”

“Patience, Grigor. Patience. She’ll arrive soon, I know it. And then we’ll follow through with the plan.” He turned as the door opened. In walked one-armed one-eyed Vriska Serket, hood up. It was the fashion here.

“Ah, Madam Serket.” Smerrd stood up and indicated a seat for her. “So glad you could make it.” Vriska smiled charmingly at him, a smile that didn’t quite reach her eye. She accepted his offer of a seat and a meal.

“Smerrd, Grigor, Moskev. A pleasure to see all of you.” She smiled. “I was thinking of bringing a guest this evening, but he turned down my invitation, and anyway…” She chuckled. “I have a feeling it would only result in death if he came along.”

Moskev snorted with laughter. “That pacifist beast-keeper? Of course it would. He gives troll a bad name with his peaceful demeanor and his friend-to-all-animals schtick.” Vriska laughed. That was his cue.

Karkat clomped up around to where they could see him. “A fine evening t’you gents,” he said quietly. “Yakkov Smerrd, it’s good to see you again. Well, as good as it can ever be to see an indigo-blood who wears his blood so boldly.” Smerrd’s face paled. He was the only one who would recognize the voice on first hearing it. He turned to Grigor. “And Vaslav Grigor. I believe we’ve not met before, but I must say, your threats against the Tsaritsa have been all too credible, and more eloquent than would’ve been expected of a high green blood.” He turned to the final troll. “Which leaves Ivgeyn Moskev. Such a brilliant courtier, and a high-ranking member of the army. Placed there by appointment, of course.” He grinned. “Then again, that position was given to you so your blue-blooded ass wouldn’t feel so ashamed that you lost the Tsar’s throne to the Tsaritsa.”

His grin turned savage as he looked at Vriska. “But you, I wouldn’t have expected to see here. Not the Tsaritsa’s spymistress. Not the one woman who would understand where all these plots came from.” The sickle appeared in Karkat’s hand in a flash. “By the way… thanks for the invitation. I changed my mind.” His hood dropped. Smerrd had a few moments to react to seeing his superior’s face before the sickle had torn out his neck. “Delicate little flower.” He turned to the other two. “Now then. You are both guilty of treason against the Tsaritsa. The penalty…” The sickle sliced into Grigor’s chest, bisecting his lungs and heart. “Is death.” Another flash, and Moskev’s arm had been lopped clean off. Moskev was staring frightened at the troll, sickle soaked in regal blood. “Good night, Ivgeyn.” The next blow took off a horn, an ear, and a good portion of the jugular. Karkat cleaned his weapon before placing it back away.

“And me?” asked Vriska.

“You get to be an insufferable bitch,” replied Karkat. The three bodies would be dumped in the alleyway by morning if the innkeeper was as discreet as he claimed. The two of them left the inn and headed towards the palace. Rain was falling now, which had comfortably darkened the midmorning. “Seriously. Fuck you and the musclebeast you rode in on.” He paused, then began laughing. “Actually, I think I can think of someone who would.”

“Lighten up on John. He’s not into bestiality, you sick fuck.” Karkat grinned. “And anyway, the only reason you stopped that was because of my information, Mr. Blood-Anonymity-For-Life. Seriously, what the hell is up with your fucking blood? Do you really think the world would stop turning if you just showed what the hell it was?”

“My blood doesn’t fucking matter, Serket. I’m the Captain of the Blood-Guard. The only one who has any call to ask that question is the fucking Tsaritsa.” He bared his fangs. “Now go on and get fucked. I’ve got some work to do.” He marched up to his chamber and threw off the sodden rags he was wearing. He pulled out a book labelled _The Study of the Origins of Tumorous Diseases_ and began writing to a contact of his.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Mercurial Dead_   
HEY. HEY YOU. WE NEED TO FUCKING TALK NOW. IT’S ABOUT THE PLAN AND YOUR FUCKING ROLE IN IT.   
fUcK, mY mOtHeRfUcKiN bEsT fRiEnD. WhAt SeEmS tO bE aLl ThE wIcKeD tRoUbLe? sOmEtHiNg HaPpEn To YoU tOdAy?   
ONLY JUST NOW. HAD TO DEAL WITH A FEW TRAITOROUS FUCKS. THICKEST FUCKING MORONS YET. WHAT KIND OF IDIOT THINKS THAT VRISKA IS ON ANY SIDE EXCEPT HER OWN?   
IsN’t ShE yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiN fRiEnD, kArKaT? i MeAn, It JuSt SeEmS kInDa HaRsH tO sAy AlL tHaT sHiT aBoUt YoUr MoThErFuCkIn FrIeNd. I mEaN, sHiT iSn’T aS wEiRd As AlL tHeSe MoThErFuCkIn CoLoRs ThAt JuSt KeEp MoThErFuCkIn FlOaTiNg ArOuNd AnD sHiT. sHiT bE fUcKeD tHe MoThErFuCk Up.   
FORGET YOUR FUCKING OPIUM HIGH FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE AND PAY A-FUCKING-TTENTION. NOW WE’VE GOT TO CLEAR UP SOMETHING ABOUT THE MOTHERFUCKING PLAN.   
RiGhT oN, mY mAiN mOtHeRfUcKeR. wHaT aLl SeEmS tO bE tHe WiCkEd PrObLeM aLl Up In? SoMeOnE gOiNg To TrY tO sToP uS? BeCaUsE i’Ll PrObAbLy Be ToLd By TeReZi To ShUt OfF tHe OpIuM iF tHe ShIt HiTs ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN wHiRlInG bLaDe DeViCe, BeSt FrIeNd.   
AND IT PROBABLY WILL. UGH. ANYWAY. HOW MANY DAYS OF OPIUM DO YOU HAVE?   
rIgHt NoW, i’Ve GoT lIkE fOuR wEeKs, BeSt FrIeNd. Is ThAt NoT eNoUgH?   
THAT’S FUCKING PLENTY. THAT WAS THE ONE PART I WAS WORRIED ABOUT. NOW GO BACK TO BEING A GRUBFISTED OPIUM-SNORTING DUNCE.   
cAn Do, My MoThErFuCkIn BeSt FrIeNd EvEr.   
**

Karkat closed the book before he had to read any more of the Khan’s replies. There would be time for talking to that asshat later. Right now, he had more important things to deal with.

***

 **General’s Metalworking Laboratory, Imperial Palace, Ithenoi**

General Equius Zahhak was furious. His Imperator was taking such major risks, and the only one willing to listen was that peasant, Captor. Still, things could be worse, and at least the peasant wasn’t a finned abomination, unlike the Glorious Imperator. An Imperator who supposedly knew the sea’s gentle caress, but knew about as much about staffing an armada as Equius did the courtesan’s trade.

He sighed as he finished the designed work for his comrade, Vriska Serket. It would work well enough for her purposes, although he had spent several hours toning down the arm’s unwieldy strength. Meanwhile, the High Mage had been in contact with Vantas. His lewdness could only suggest two things: his blood was either as base as was possible to obtain, or he held station among the ranks of the finned mutants who held the most powerful blood in their veins.

He turned to his mage-book, its title _The Most Virile Testicle of the Centaur_. The fact that it had been titled like one of several ancient Ithenoi erotic romances was no coincidence; they were the highest form of literary art, and would undoubtedly be remembered long after civilization had fallen. It was trying to get his attention, and he supposed now would be as good a time as any to answer its call.

 **  
hey equiiu2, bo22 man ii2 goiing two propo2e that iidea agaiin. keep 2ayiing no for now, ok?   
Is this another one of your ine%haustible colle%ion of jokes? Because you and I know that the 100dicrous suggestions of our beloved Imperator are insanities no man can deal with.   
the poiint ii2 that 2ometiime iin the future we’re goiing two both agree wiith hiim and let hiim have hii2 war. the omen2 are 2ayiing that iit’2 pretty much goiing two be iineviitable. we’ll let hiim know when the t2ariit2a’2 entourage ha2 pa22ed the khanate2 2o he can launch hii2 2moke2creen of an iinva2iion, preferably wiith kaii2ur at the head of iit.   
I imagine the lead ship will be destroyed?   
ab2olutely. that’2 why ii want kaii2ur on that 2hiip, he’2 no 2ea dweller, 2o he’ll drown liike the re2t of hii2 crew.   
Wondrous. Do you happen to have a towel? I find I am… Sweating. Bring me a towel now.   
2hut up, ii’ll have a 2ervant do that you un2aniitary ba2tard.   
Do not use such language in front of me, yellowb100d.   
pfff whatever. anyway ii gotta talk two the t2ariit2a two make 2ure her people are ready two leave a2 2oon a2 they need two.   
You are just going to woo that lowb100d. I will have no part in this e%ceptionally depraved a%ion. I have tomes on prostheti% surgery to 100k over. For when Serket finally arrives.   
riight. 2o ii’ll ju2t leave you two your 2tudy, equiiu2. you ma22iive tool.   
You may consider me a t001, but I am still the General and I am still in charge of tacti% for his imperial majesty.   
**

Equius slammed the book shut. Its iron binding had cracked again, and the steel pen that Equius had become accustomed to using had cracked for the third time this week (though thankfully not until _after_ his conversation had finished). He set it down carefully. Repairing it would be easy, and perhaps this time his reinforcements would work. Sollux was being deliberately and unnecessarily cryptic with his visions’ results, saying that the third revision would provide him with what he needed. Well, this would be the third revision, and he had no idea what to do about the steel pen!

…Unless… He looked at the metal the robot parts were made from. Ordinarily, he’d say it couldn’t be alloyed with steel. But perhaps he hadn’t tried it at a high enough temperature. And if he could smelt the silver adamant with steel properly, he could create a hard-to-break new metal that wouldn’t crack and explode all over the page, no matter how rough Equius was. Yes, that would be his new endeavor.

***

 **Die Wertsfestung, outside Taläss**

The halls of the Wertsfestung, outside the grand city of Taläss, were a sight to behold, and Dave von Strider had beheld them way too fucking often. It had been one thing when he was younger, but now he was a Master Knight of the Order of Time, and he did not have time (hah) for this bullshit. Not with the sun beating down on him, not with the four weeks until his plan went through. He sighed; his good friend in Selderhafen had informed him about the plans, John was ready, his sister the Duchesse was… well, she was the Duchesse. Fat lot of good that did.

That left Dave von Fucking Strider to keep everyone in line. And that meant that he’d have to keep up with these douchebags. He had his doubts whether they were human. True, they spoke English — but, fun fact, so did some of the more intelligent varieties of dragon, not that anyone but the Imperial Knights had ever bothered to learn that. Most people heard “dragon”, they leapt to the entirely correct conclusion of “Oh shit, it’s going to burn down my village and eat the survivors.” That was what dragons did, that was why the Order of the Dragon was a wandering order, and that was why so few people knew much about dragons themselves.

Dave sighed. He’d already begun to come up with a picture of them in case they were dragons. They were likely humanoid, probably had impressive wingspans, long sharp fangs, golden eyes, scaled hides, long whiplike tails… Actually, scratch that, their wings were probably what helped support them rather than a tail. However that worked.

His book let out a ding. That was the sound he’d put it on when he needed to be alerted to one of those draconic douches contacting him. Judging from the tone, it was the one Dave minded least. So with that in mind, he picked up his book, a tome with the simple title _The Idolized Scratch Musician_ , and opened it.

 **  
hell0 dave. can i ask y0u a questi0n?   
sure. just remember that youre dealing with the fucking master of cool here. master knight of the order of time and all that bullshit.   
i supp0se. at any rate, what w0uld y0u say t0 a halt 0n calling us drag0ns? we aren’t drag0ns, and it’s incredibly rude 0f y0u t0 call us that. we aren’t that presumptive, the drag0ns have p0wer we can barely grasp the idea 0f.   
ok fine youre not dragons. i can kinda deal with that i suppose. its not like youre actual dragons anyway that was the comparison i came up with because im fairly certain youre not humans.   
what’s a human? s0me kind 0f j0ke animal?   
humans are. fuck. um. anyway that doesnt matter. is it really so difficult to believe that im something youre not.   
well if y0u keep c0mparing us t0 drag0ns then i supp0se there’s n0 way y0u c0uld be a pr0per tr0ll. but that seems a bit far-fetched. y0u aren’t a drag0n but y0u’re a sapient being. the 0nly n0ndrac0nic sapient beings we’ve had experience with are tr0lls. erg0 the w0rldsedge m0untains w0uld have t0 h0ld s0me s0rt 0f massive secret ab0ut the nature 0f reality.   
well its the fucking worldsedge kid. its a ring of mountains that even dragons cant fly over with a city filled with weird green skinned fucks living in the middle of it under a green motherfucking sun. my friend in selderhafens been there and she says its fucking creepy. same with my friend the duchesse.   
i kn0w the duchesse, we’ve had many fruitful talks. she seems reas0nable, unlike y0u.   
then why do you keep calling me, sugar lips.   
because y0u have s0me s0rt 0f 0ld-h0meland charm. and because y0u write in a c0l0r that makes me feel less c0nsci0us ab0ut my bl00d.   
ugh there you go again with that blood nonsense. youre not doing a good job of convincing me youre not some reptilian winged monstrosity that happens to be about my size. bet your scales are the same color as you say your blood is only you use blood because you know we dont have fucking scales.   
h0nestly dave. d0ubting everything. y0u’ll see when we meet in taurier.   
yeah i know the plan, taurier and all that bullshit. well meet there and then ill be right and john will be holy fuckshit augh dragon why did i begin sex messaging a dragon.   
i assume y0u’re talking ab0ut vriska with that last part?   
yeah john has the major hots for her even though shes probably got like twenty foot wings and enough teeth to make a fuckin rotgrafswyrm skull look like an old toothless man. gog damn now im thinking about the one time i got roped into fighting a young rotgrafswyrm. son of a bitch that was the hardest fight i ever fought.   
well, did y0u pr0v0ke it? because in 0ur experience, drag0ns d0n’t generally attack unpr0v0ked.   
this one was kinda eating a village. no choice in the matter. they didnt have enough dragon order knights so i had to go act as backup because time order knight and all that bullshit.   
drag0ns have t0 eat t00.   
that doesnt mean they can just go around eating villages. its why the order of the dragon exists, to remind them that theres forests full of bears and shit that they can eat and that attacking our villages just makes them dead and full of pointy things.   
seems a bit brutish t0 me.   
well fuck you too.   
fine.   
good.   
leaving n0w. but i’ll remember h0w y0u addressed me, dave v0n strider, and there will be c0nsequences f0r being s0 rude t0 the tsaritsa 0f all 0f shivyadr.   
yeah right. later.   
**

He closed the book. The conversation had gone a little worse than he’d hoped. Why did she have to keep bringing up dragons as if they were something to be worshipped? She wasn’t doing a good job of convincing him that they weren’t draconic humanoids. She really wasn’t.

Dave sighed. It didn’t help that their arguments had begun to kindle some sort of affection towards her in him. What could he say, the verbal sparring matches were a lot of fun, and she was a smart (if somewhat twisted) girl. If she were human, and not a dragon, he’d probably be looking at trying to court her. He sighed. Time to try and convince John again that his stupid dragon girlfriend was, in fact, a dragon. He opened the book and began writing to John.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of On the Natural Order of the Ephemeral_   
john. hey idiot.   
oh hey dave! what’s up? i just got done talking to karkat about what we can expect when they come out of the pass to taurier. he said they’re bringing horns, and that our friend oughta bring some opium!   
ok so they have horns. this is useful information. because as ive told you theyre dragons. maybe not actual fly over your house and eat you dragons but they are dragons.   
pfff, hahaha. they’re not dragons, dave. vriska’s told me she’s killed dragons. like, at least two. i’m not sure i believe her when she says it’s eight hundred, but…   
there arent eight hundred dragons in the world dumpass.   
exactly!   
ugh.   
but you know, i don’t think a dragon would kill another dragon. so they kinda can’t be dragons! and anyway, even if she was, that doesn’t mean she’s not my friend. and that definitely doesn’t change the fact that i’m in love with her. i mean honestly have you seen the color she writes in? her eyes have got to be the most stunning shade of blue.   
those arent eyes numbnuts. those are scales. and older dragons sometimes kill younger dragons if they see dragon order knights approaching just so they wont have to deal with us.   
no, those are her eyes! like mine are blue and yours are probably red if you’re not lying in your color. i think karkat’s blind, though. gray eyes?   
gray eyes dont mean hes blind. nick has grey eyes.   
oh right, your brother! is he there? is he coming with us?   
nah hes off with the council of order masters. along with the heads of the other five orders. im pretty much on my own with you three dweebs.   
oh. well, that means you have more freedom to fly out of his shadow with us come their arrival!   
right. sure. hey listen egbert i gotta go.   
ok, later! :D   
yeah. later.   
**

Dave closed the book again. He sighed. The truth was that his brother had told him to bring the twelve “beings” (he refused to say any more) with him to the Ordengericht. He wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but when the master of your order told you to do something, told you to make it happen… well, it meant that fifteen outsiders were going to see the inside of the Ordengericht. And potentially cause a lot of trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also yes I know Dave's a Houston Boy, but Houston doesn't translate well into German. :s So I went with Dallas/Fort Worth.


	3. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Great Khan of the Rictus raises his painted face to a haze of opium, animals turn out to understand only Russian, and Rose gets teased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did next chapter take so long to write? Oh, right, because I wanted to have everyone contacted within the first 4 chapters... which meant several contacts in the next chapter. And then the addition of more information. Anyway, here's the next chapter, sorry it took so long, it's a good one though I promise. Well, I think so, at least. Then again, I kind of like my writing, which is probably weird for an author. :O One quick thing before I begin: This fic is going to contain several pairings I don't normally write. It's a challenge I'm eager to take up. :O What can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic and I enjoy unusual and improbable pairings.
> 
> Also, transliteration of the Russian will be in the end of chapter notes. What can I say, I like using foreign languages in my works.

_“There’s something wrong with the world today/I don’t know what it is/Something’s wrong with our eyes” — Jacques Cartier_

 **Plains of Ak-Malar, West Atzkir Khanates**

Gamzee Makara, often called the Great Khan of the Rictus, was at peace. The opium helped quell the thoughts of bloodlust that had plagued him since hatching, and he was lucky that his advisor hat found it for him before he’d killed her. Still, at times he really felt like getting his murder all up ons. After all, sometimes to solve a problem, you just had to kill a bitch. Or, in this case, declare war on another nomad tribe. He wasn’t sure _why_ Terezi had chosen the Khours Clan, but he wasn’t going to complain. It wouldn’t feel motherfucking right, now would it?

As he was pondering this, as well as the location of some cosmic snacks, he heard a ding. He laughed. His book, that motherfucking miracle of magic, was going off. Someone wanted to talk to him. And he had no idea who. Still, he fished around, eventually pulling _The Mercurial Dead_ from his pocket. Opening it up, he placed the pipe between his teeth and laughed as he grabbed a pen. This motherfucker was a miraculous son of a bitch.

 ** uHHH, hELLO, kHAN mAKARA, pLEASED TO SEE YOU’RE, uHH, uP AND ABOUT AGAIN,   
oH fUcKiNg HeLl It’S yOu. WhAt ThE fUcK iS uP mY wIcKeD mOtHeRfUcKeR?   
aCTUALLY, uHH, i WAS WRITING MAINLY TO, uHH, aSK ABOUT HOW THE PLAN WAS PROCEEDING ON, uHH, yOUR END, gIVEN THAT YOU, uHH, aRE KIND OF IMPORTANT TO ITS SUCCESS,   
fUcK, i AlMoSt FoRgOt ThAt ShIt. TeReZi’S gOt A tIgHt MoThErFuCkInG gRiP oN iT, tHoUgH. sOrTa LiKe HoW nOw I’m ApPaReNtLy BeCoMiNg ThE kHaTaN oF SeLm-AhT-bRûK’s NeW mAtEsPrIt. MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE iS wHaT tHaT sHiT bE, yO.   
uHH, i’M GLAD TO SEE THAT, uHH, yOU’RE DOING WELL ON YOUR PART, wE NEED TO GET, uHH, oURS GOING, iT’S NOT EXACTLY, uHH, cOMING TOGETHER, aLTHOUGH THAT MIGHT BE THE, uHH, sPYMISTRESS’S WORK THERE,   
vRiSkA’s WoRk? HuH. nEvEr tHoUgHt Of HeR tO bE lIkE tHaT, bRoThEr. SaY, dOeSn’T sHe HaVe ThE hOtS fOr ThAt DaYwAlKeR gUy NoW? wHaT’s HiS nAmE aGaIn, JoHn?   
uHH, yEAH, i GUESS SHE DOES, bUT THAT’S ON A, uHH, dIFFERENT SUBJECT, i WAS WONDERING IF, uHH, yOU HAD A FEW MINUTES FREE FOR A, uHH, bARD-OFF,   
FuCk MaN, iT’s BeEn FoReVeR sInCe I’vE dOnE oNe Of ThOsE. kIcK tHaT mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiT iNtO oVeRdRiVe! SpArE nO bItCh, My MaIn MoThErFuCkIn MaN!   
oKAY, hERE i GO, wITH THE FUNKY METER AND THE KICKING RHYMES, **

The two of them then proceeded to have the worst poetry slam in the history of paradox space. Some things never change.

***

 **Imperial Stables, Kyushkov**

Tavros Nitram sighed. Another night, another shift of feeding the horses and making sure they were properly groomed. He cursed his legs, unsteady on the ground. It was the price he’d paid for literally growing up in the saddle and not even learning to walk until he was twice as old as any other troll. But then, he wasn’t any other troll. He’d trained animals since he was very young, given his amazing psychic abilities with beasts. That was why the Tsaritsa had chosen a lowblood like him to be the beastmaster. That was why he was the one who kept the imperial horses well-rested.

That was why Karkat Vantas was now shouting at him. “And furthermore, you incompetent turd, we are supposed to leave _tomorrow_! How the hell are these beasts going to survive the strain of traveling at high speed across the continent? For that matter, how are we going to be sure we can stay on? Not all of us hatched and dropped ourselves into a saddle for two sweeps!”

“I, um, suppose they could be a bit undisciplined if I weren’t around,” he admitted. He could see Karkat roll his eyes, but this was Tavros’s best argument. “I could probably, uh, also help them move even if they were tired. And, uh, I’d suggest you hold on tight if you want to stay on. These are, uh, some pretty strong horses.”

Karkat growled something Tavros couldn’t quite make out. “All right Mr. Smartass,” he said at normal volume. “These things. Will they work? Will we be able to make Selm-aht-Brûk in a few days?”

“Of course,” said Tavros. “They’re my, uh, chargers. My own personal, uh, stock. The best I, uh, have, and the best outside the khanates.” A note of pride crept into Tavros’s voice. “So, uh, they’ll definitely serve us well until we, uh, hit the Green Sun Citadel. At which point they’d normally be, um, toast.”

“Can’t horses withstand that shit better than trolls?”

“Not, uh, really. Most, uh, horses are kept outside, and strange, uh, green-sun-powered contraptions carry, uh, goods to and from the borders. For a, uh, nominal fee, of course.” Karkat nodded.

“So we’re basically on foot once we hit the City of the Green Sun. Fucking wonderful. How in the deepest bowels of hell are we going to get to the other side in time?”

“Actually, uh, there’s a way,” said Tavros. “Terezi and, uh, some other contacts have come up with a form of armor for the, uh, horses that should allow them to, uh, travel safely through the city.” He grinned. “Thus, uh, allowing us to keep our strict, uh, timetable. Anything, uh, else?”

“No,” said Karkat, turning on his heel. “That’ll do for now. Look, I’ve got to go make sure that our Glorious Ruler doesn’t do something completely inane like ruin everything for us. What with her flirting with the red text daywalker and shit. I swear to god, so much daywalker flirting going on. You’re not doing that too, are you?”

“Uh, daywalker flirting? No, can’t say that I, uh, am.” Tavros shrugged good-naturedly. “So, uh, I guess we leave tomorrow night?”

“Yeah. Try and pretend like you’re getting some work done, got it, pony boy?” Tavros nodded, and Karkat, seeming satisfied with his answer, strode off to the castle. Tavros chuckled, watching him slip off into the castle. Quickly, he finished off his job for tonight. He made a thankful mental note as he looked around at the stables. Cleaning up horseshit wasn’t his job. It was a stablehand’s.

Such as this green-blood’s. “Pyotor! Your turn to clean the, uh, stables!” He handed the curly-horned troll the shovel, watching as he entered the cesspit that was Her Imperial Majesty’s stables. He slipped a book from his coat pocket, titled _A Farewell to Bullfighters_ , and began scanning down his list of contacts. Perhaps he could write to her again. True, things hadn’t gone especially well between them last time, but there was always the chance of a good return.

 **_missive directed at the keeper of The Garden of Gnosis_   
uHH, hELLO AGAIN, aRE YOU THERE,   
oh hey, it’s you!!! you’re not going to flirt with me again, are you? only it was kind of unexpected last time, and i hope you weren’t too hurt by my rejection?   
nO, uHH, i WON’T, uNLESS YOU WANT ME TO, wHICH IT DOESN’T SOUND, uM, lIKE YOU WANT ME TO,   
no, not really… sorry! :( anyway! when are you all leaving? i want to know so i’ll know when i’ll be able to see you all for the first time!   
uMM, wE’RE LEAVING, uHH, tOMORROW, i THINK, tHAT’S WHAT KARKAT WAS, uHH, sAYING, aND i BELIEVE HIM, sO WE’RE PROBABLY LEAVING TOMORROW UNLESS THE, uHH, tSARITSA TELLS HIM NO,   
don’t worry! the tsaritsa and i have talked a lot and she’s going to be just fine with leaving tomorrow. i think she’s actually looking forward to meeting dave in person!   
dAVE’S THE ONE WHO, uHH, hAS BEEN KIND OF RUDE TO HER, rIGHT, bECAUSE i DON’T THINK SHE REALLY, uMMM, lIKES HIM, tO BE PERFECTLY HONEST,   
nonsense! talking with her about dave is like talking with john about vriska once you get past her annoyance because he won’t believe her when she says she’s not a dragon!   
dAVE THINKS WE’RE, uHH, dRAGONS,   
yeah… i know it’s stupid, but dave isn’t easily convinced! still, we’ll get through to him! :)   
tHANKS, sAY, oNE MORE QUESTION,   
what?   
wOULD YOU BE AT ALL, uHH, uNNERVED IF I TURNED OUT TO, uHHH, nOT REALLY BE ALL THAT STURDY IN THE, uHH, rEGION OF MY LEGS,   
you mean broken?   
nO, jUST, uHH, wALKING IS A LITTLE, uHH, dIFFICULT FOR ME, bECAUSE MY LEGS ARE, uHH, cONFORMED TO HORSE-RIDING, aND THEY DIDN’T DEVELOP, uHH, pROPERLY,   
oh… well, no, i wouldn’t think differently of you! :) you’re a good friend, tavros, and i like you! :)   
oH, tHAT’S SWELL, wELL THEN I HAVE TO, uHH, gET BACK TO MY, uHH, dUTIES,   
ok! bye tavros!   
bYE, **

He closed the book and sighed. She didn’t want him courting her. Well, he could respect that somewhat, even though it left a bitter, lonely taste in his mouth. He growled and pulled out a few herbs that were particularly attractive to the miniature wyvern he kept as a pet. The wyvern flew from its sleeping post and landed on his shoulder, eating the herbs out of his hand. He scratched its chin scales, and it responded with a satisfied growl. The unusual language of beastmasters served him well, and he smiled at the draconic being. “Привет, дружок. Как вы сегодня вечером?”

The only response from the small dragonling was a cry of joy as it bared its poisonous fangs. Tavros smiled as it licked his cheek with its smooth, lizardy tongue. As he continued to scratch its chin, it suddenly stiffened and looked around. “Kree! Kree!”

“Вриска? Нет, нет…” Tavros began trying to stumble off to a different part of the castle before she could reach him.

“Taaaaaaaav-roooooooos~” Vriska leapt in front of him, grinning. “C’mon, beastboy. Glorious Ruler wants us to have one last meeting before we leave.” And with that, she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him off. Tavros sighed. Hopefully this would be worth it.

***

 **Concubine’s Chambers, Imperial Palace, Ithenoi**

Nepeta Leijon lounged against the wall. Being the Imperial Consort wasn’t so bad, considering that the Imperator didn’t call upon you until/unless he needed someone for the mating cycle, or needed to let off steam. Or needed to celebrate.

And in the times where he wasn’t calling on her attention, which was becoming more and more often, she would often talk with the only other two in the Imperator’s confidence, or opening her tome, _The Catmint Laced With Arsenic_ , and contacting someone. Which she was, in fact, doing at that very moment.

 **_missive directed at the keeper of The Calibrator of the Gallows_   
*the impurrator’s consort pounces upon the khan’s advisor!*   
TH3 4DV1SOR 1S SURPR1S3D TO H34R FROM TH3 CONSORT SO 34RLY! SH3 4SKS 1F TH3R3 1S SOM3TH1NG WRONG 1N H3R COUNTRY.   
no, i’m just bored. :33 the impurrator is purrposing something to equius again and he was purrty insistent on getting his way.   
1F ONLY YOU H4D G4MZ33 4S YOUR 1MP3R4TOR. H3’S 34SY 3NOUGH TO M4N1PUL4T3 1F YOU KNOW HOW TO DO 1T. WH1CH M34NS YOU B4S1C4LLY H4V3 TO K33P H1M ON OP1UM WH3N H3’S NOT F1GHT1NG.   
that could serve some pawssible use, but i can’t get as claws to altering his purrsitions as i’d like. XOO he thinks i’m just a cute little kitten. i am a furrocious beast, ready to pounce!   
1 KNOW TH4T, 4ND YOU KNOW TH4T, 4ND 3V3N 3QU1US KNOWS TH4T. YOU JUST H4V3 TO SHOW TH4T S1D3 TO TH3 1MP3R4TOR. TH3N M4YB3 H3’LL COM3 4ROUND TO TH1NK1NG OF YOU 4S 4 PROP3R COMB4T4NT 4ND M4T3SPR1T.   
but i don’t want to be the impurrator’s matesprit forever! being equius’s meowrail is hard enough, and the impurrator is just so… n33dy! i wish i had gamz33 as my matesprit! he s33ms laid-back.   
TH4T’S NOT R34LLY WHO YOU H4V3 4 CRUSH ON, THOUGH, 1S 1T?   
purromise not to tell anyone?   
PROM1S3.   
…mr. karkitty vantas. he just s33ms so… so purrfect!   
…V4NT4S? P3RF3CT? H4V3 YOU B33N SK1MM1NG OFF TH3 TOP OF TH3 OP1UM SH1PM3NTS?   
no i have not!!! XOO it’s just that when i talk with him, he always s33ms so… purrplexingly attractive! i can’t help it, he’s just purrfect in my eyes… please don’t tell him, though! i’m trying to work up the courage to tell him meowself.   
W3LL, GOOD LUCK, TH3N, M1SS L31JON. YOU M4Y JUST N33D 1T. 4ND NOW, 1F YOU’LL 3XCUS3 M3, 1 H4V3 TO GO T3ND TO TH3 WOUND3D FROM OUR L4T3ST R41D. TH3 KH4N 4PP34RS TO H4V3 4LMOST K1LL3D 4NOTH3R ON3 OF OUR M3N.   
:OO okay then! bye, terezi!   
L4T3R, N3P3T4. **

Nepeta shut the book. Someone had come through the beaded curtain that constituted her “door”. She looked at the person entering and grinned. “Equius!” Pouncing on him with a furious hug, she grinned at him. “Equius, what happened in the meeting?”

“The Imperator is a mutant freak of an idiot,” he said, cleaning his glasses on his shirt. “I cannot seriously believe that he could be so simultaneously lewd and idiotic and still retain such a high blood color. The mechanics of blood baffle the mind, though the hemospectrum’s demands are, at the same time, quite clear.” He looked at her. “And as for contacts across the Worldsedge, I find myself continually exasperated with all but the most noble-blooded of them, and she is likewise most likely a goshdarned mutant.”

“Equius,” reprimanded Nepeta lightly, “it’s a bad idea to call the Imperator a mutant. He could hear you and have you sentenced to life enslavement for treason.”

“He won’t,” said Equius confidently. “You must remember, Nepeta. He and I are both among the prophesied, as stated by Doomsayer and High Mage Captor.” He cleared his throat. “As are both you and the High Mage. And besides, Nepeta… I have called him a mutant to his face, in the presence of many. Why think you I was sent to the battle of Kolianos with an ‘army’, so called, of but two hundred to face off against the numberless hordes of Khan Zbrikh? The mountains wept blue and green and gold on that day, stained with the blood of their and my men.” Equius looked at her. “I assure you, Nepeta. The Imperator has more anger to glean from my objection to his wars than from me describing him as what he truly is.”

“And you?” she asked, brow furrowed and arms wrapping tenderly around him in a platonic lover’s embrace. “We must explore the issue of how your rage at his insistence upon war is affecting you!” Equius sighed. “I’m serious!”

“…Very well then. But I must first contact someone. I trust you shall be fine on your own?”

“Oh, I’ll be OK. I can contact someone!”

“Very well. I shall return.” Equius stood, walked over to the solitary table in the room, and began testing his new pen upon the pages of his book. Nepeta, meanwhile, pulled her own book out and started a new conversation.

 **_missive directed at the keeper of The Study of the Origins of Tumorous Diseases_   
:33 *the purroud consort of the impurrator pounces upon the catniptains’s boot, as if it contains a mouse or other small creature!*   
THE CAPTAIN OF HER IMPERIAL MAJESTY’S BLOOD GUARD JUST ROLLS HIS EYES. HE IS, OF COURSE, BY NOW USED TO THIS BEHAVIOR. AND HE STILL THINKS IT’S A STUPID WAY TO OPEN A CONVERSATION.   
hi karkitty!   
NEPETA, WHY ARE WE TALKING RIGHT NOW? IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH SOLLUX’S PLAN? DID SOLLUX BEGIN SNORTING OPIUM DUST OR SOMETHING?   
no… i’m just furrly bored, and i was hoping you could help… releive it? of course, if you want, i can leave you alone…   
NOT LIKE I’M DOING ANYTHING IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. THE TSARITSA’S MEETING IS OVER AND I’VE GOT SOME SPARE TIME. BUT WE ARE NOT DOING ROMANTIC ANYTHING AGAIN, GOT IT? THAT LAST TIME WAS BEFORE I FOUND OUT WHAT YOU WERE, AND THERE IS NO WAY I’M PRETEND-FUCKING THE IMPERATOR’S CONCUBINE AGAIN. THAT SHIT IS NOT HAPPENING, GOT IT?   
oh, fine, mr. grumpypants! :PP i actually just wanted to talk, believe it or not! about what happens afterwards! after all, once the purrsnickety impurrator is out of the picture, i’m not his concubine! :33   
OK, I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE. EVEN IF HE WILL BE COMING WITH US.   
:33 i know, but the impurrator won’t be the impurrator and i won’t be… um… with him anymore… leaving me open fur options… purrhaps you might agree…?   
:33 we can still try, though, right?   
YES, YES, OF COURSE. SO APART FROM THE INHERENTLY THORNY ISSUE OF ROMANTIC INCLINATIONS, WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT?   
well, i was wondering if you were furmiliar with the purrsons on the other side of the worldsedge! i talked to one, and she s33med nice! and her text was a beautiful gr33n!   
OH, HER. YEAH, SHE’S OK, A BIT NAIVE BUT OTHER THAN THAT SHE’S FINE. FOR A MOMENT I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT A CERTAIN RED-TEXT ASSHOLE.   
oh, mr. strider? i only know what your tsaritsa told me about him. appurrently she’s deep in the red for him!   
NOT SURPRISED TO HEAR IT. WHAT ABOUT YOUR GENERAL FRIEND, DOES HE STILL HAVE A RAGING HARD-ON FOR OUR GLORIOUS LEADER?   
XOO karkitty that line of questioning is COMPLETELY inappropurriate! …but yes he does X33   
AGAIN, NOT SURPRISED TO HEAR IT. MOSTLY BECAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT AS LONG AS STRIDER’S GOT HER EAR, SHE’S GOING TO BE COMPLETELY FUCKING UNRESPONSIVE TO HIS ADVANCES, UNLESS THEY’RE BLACK.   
but equius isn’t interested in blackrom with her!   
WELL, THAT’S HIS FUCKING PROBLEM. AND ANYWAY SHE’S CULTIVATING A PRETTY GOOD BLACK RIVALRY WITH SERKET. SO BLACKROM WOULD BE OUT OF THE QUESTION ANYWAY.   
h33 h33! oh, equius looks like he’s done talking to whoever he’s talking to! i guess i have to go now!   
ALL RIGHT. TAKE CARE, THEN, NEPETA.   
i will! :33 **

Nepeta closed her book as Equius walked back over to her. “Have a good chat?”

“As good as a chat with Pyrope can ever be,” he growled. “I do believe she is intentionally trying to anger me with language that does not do her blood justice.” He sighed. “Shall we have that talk now, Nepeta?”

“Oh, yes!” Nepeta grinned and curled up with him.

***

 **Castle Lalonde, Outside Chutes D’Arc-En-Ciel**

Rose Lalonde sighed. John had arrived from Oceanskeep the previous night, while their parents had left for Castle Egbert at dawn’s first light. And he would not. Stop. Talking. “I mean, I guess I’m just nervous about the whole thing, you know? I know that we’ve got a kind of destiny sort of and I know that it probably involves me and Vriska getting close and I’m just worried that she’ll see what a big dork I am and…” Rose finally slammed the grimoire she was trying to peruse on the table. The heavy tome made a solid thud that shut John up nicely.

“John. You are my stepbrother. And you are, to put it in the words of my ladies in waiting, who I utterly despise but who Mother has forced upon me, adorable, in a scholarly way.” Rose sighed. “And she has persisted in increasing the number of tales of wizards throughout the castle.”

“But I thought you liked wizard books!”

“I do. That is no reason for her to feign interest in that which I enjoy.” John rolled his eyes as Rose picked up the book and continued to read through the section on the Herald of the World’s Death, Glb’golyb. John’s book, hung from his waist by a simple lanyard, began playing a love song. “I believe Vriska is attempting to contact you.” John fumbled with his book before opening it to the proper page.

Another book chimed. Rose sifted through her piles of written material before finally finding the one she was looking for: _Counseling via Hydrostatic Appendages_ , her communication book. Someone was trying to talk to her. Someone she’d spoken with a few times before, always on the same subject.

 ** r2, are you there? ii need two talk two you about 2omethiing that ju2t came up. iit’2 actually kiind of urgent.   
What, may I ask, is the problem? I’m only incidentally involved in the opium trade, so I doubt it’s a missed delivery of opiates. Or is this something concerning your imperator’s inevitable bloodlust?   
the 2econd one, defiiniitely. 2omethiing tell2 me he’2 not goiing two want two waiit fiive day2, and then we’re going two have a 2iituatiion on our hand2. a really bad one two. ii wa2 hopiing maybe you could talk two hiim? he’2 got hii2 eye2 on you for 2ome rea2on.   
I’m well aware of that, Sollux. As if his advances could be any less obvious. Does he not know the meaning of the words “I am disinterested”?   
probably not. he’2 u2ed two gettiing hii2 way. although ii’m not 2ure he’2 gettiing that me22age. ii have my 2u2piiciion2. mo2tly becau2e he’2 alway2 iin a better mood when you talk two hiim. 2o… even iif iit’2 what you 2ay, iit’2 u2eful. 2o… talk two hiim. plea2e.   
All right. I shall see what I can do.   
thank2 r2. **

Rose closed the book. She would have to think of the proper way to broach the subject. He was tricky to speak to if she wasn’t careful… and above all else, she wanted to be careful with him. It was amusing, how fragile he was.

 **_missive directed at the keeper of The Aquatic Vivarium of Imperator Gaius_   
Are you available?   
wwhat is it lalonde. im havvin some fuckin troubles in here wwith captors wwar plans. hes tryin to make me stop this fuckin thing before it evven starts.   
Your High Mage wishes for you to refrain from war? Surely he must have a good reason.   
fuckin garbage reason is wwhat it is. says the omens arent right an im gonna fuckin get myself killed if i dont wwait to launch the wwar. not like ivve begun wwars that havvent been all that popular. kind a an occupational hazard.   
Indeed. However, it would by quite… noble of you to agree to follow the High Mage’s omens. And the Noble Horrorterrors are quite aware of my attraction to noble men. One might even suggest that signs of nobility are my… weakness.   
wwell…   
Besides, my sweet Imperator. I shall show you such wondrous delights when we meet, if you would but do this one thing for me.   
wwait, are you sayin youd…   
Yes.   
oh fuckin hell. if nep kneww a wwhat wwe wwere plannin… you think shell be mad wwhen i break off our relationship. i mean i knoww shes gotta havve the hots for me me bein the imperator an all.   
Oh, I assure you, she’ll be understanding. Even if I have to make sure of that personally.   
do me a favvor ok lalonde. wwhen wwe finally meet up i dont wwanna see you callin dowwn the horrorterrors wwrath on nep. it took me for fuckin evver to get a good girl and besides eq wwould kill you. an probably me. hes kinda ovverprotectivve about his moirail.   
I understand. Until later, my love.   
yeah sure wwhatevver. **

Rose sighed as she looked at his last message. Despite his feigned disinterest, she knew he’d go along with her request. Still, her own intimations felt like the words of someone else. And playing the sultry seductress was necessary to catch him off-guard enough to change his mind, even though the role left a bad taste in her mouth. A taste that would hopefully be washed away when she could look into those violet eyes, stroke that noble olive skin, kiss those sun-darkened lips and hold her shining adonis in a lover’s embrace…

John’s chuckle snapped her out of her reverie. “Enjoying your chat with your boyfriend?”

“H-he’s not my boyfriend,” she stuttered, slamming her book shut. “He’s just a… friend. Who is a boy. And who is incredibly courteous, unlike certain stepbrothers I could mention.” Rose opened her grimoire to a random page and thrust her nose in, reading about The Tattered Prince, The Duke in Orange, He Of The Ineffable Name. To seek his name was to seek madness, and to spell his name would lead to the end of everything. He was, by far, her favorite Horrorterror.

“Sure he is.” John smirked. “Admit it, Rose! You’re in love with him.”

“I could level the same charge at you regarding Vriska.”

“Yeah, but I actually admit it! I mean, c’mon.” John grinned. “Don’t tell me you haven’t been thinking about this guy. I know you have, I heard you call out his name in your sleep last night.” Rose flushed and buried herself in the tome. At times like these, she reflected, she almost wished she didn’t have a brother at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tavrosliteration: Privet, druzhok. Kak vi segodnya vecherom? Vriska? Nyet, nyet...  
> Tavroslation: Hello, little friend. How are you tonight? Vriska? No, no...
> 
> One more note: A cookie to anyone who correctly guesses all the correct authors of the quotes I've given so far.


	4. Daybreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feferi Peixes sorts out some romantic troubles, Eridan frets over some romantic troubles, Jade finds out about a plot on her life, and Aradia learns that she fucking hates horses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, first things first, I actually have a fair amount of notes on this AU on my tumblr, [as seen here](http://thegrimlich.tumblr.com/post/6216289699/notes-about-saviors-of-the-forsaken-world). The rest of the tumblr wavers between inanity, reblogs, setting notes, and NSFW stuff, with some overlap. But there's one really important note there, which I'm also going to summarize here — something you've probably noticed.
> 
> Our main characters are in positions of power. In the case of two of the characters this chapter focuses on, ruler-level power. Because of that, and due to the nature of the setting, they're not going to be limited in their interactions to just the other main cast members. There's nobility and powerful merchants and other such things that they have to deal with, and all those people have names. And so I've placed a fair amount of named NPCs in here, background characters whose only purpose is to add setting detail... and they're all named. Because otherwise it just feels... "off". Yes, I know I could get away with not naming them and excuse it by saying that the focus is on our mains, but... I have a hard time doing that.

_“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” — Elizabeth I of England_

 **Khatan’s Chamber, Palace at Selm-aht-Brûk**

Feferi Peixes was worried. Tonight was the big night, the night the plan Kanaya had told her about went into motion. Tonight was the night she launched a war against Kubaal, shocking the rest of Atzkir. Tonight was the night she finally confessed to the Imperator’s High Mage that she had a very probable red desire for him. And tonight was the night that she announced to the world that Selm-aht-Brûk’s Khatan would be in arranged matespritship with the Khan Makara of the Ak-Malar Plains. The Great Khan of the Rictus.

Feferi laughed to herself. She’d heard about his bloodlust, of course — who hadn’t? — but she figured it was just a rumor. After all, whenever she talked to him, he was hilariously peaceful. Still, he was somehow still Khan, so perhaps the tales of a berserk in battle were true.

She rang a small bell, and in came Kanaya like clockwork. “Mistress?” Kanaya had prostrated herself beyond the station that blood and title demanded from one of Jade Green blood.

“Oh, get up. It’s not like I’m a glubbing Imperatrix. I’m just the Khatan of the Holy City.” Kanaya smirked as she stood up.

“And yet, my Lady, you are the one chosen by the contract of the Ancient Khans to rule our land as you see fit.” Kanaya smiled. “Tonight is your grand night, is it not? The night when the plans are set into motion.”

“Your plans,” muttered Feferi. “I’m still not sure I want to go and be the matesprit of the Khan of the Rictus.” She sighed. “He just seems so… silly!”

“His foolishness is but one factor, my Lady. In battle, he is a whirlwind of blade and mace and blood, a dervish in service to the most violent gods of the Painted Heretics, whose coin is the blood which he returns to the plains.” Kanaya walked to the window. “It is said that in one hand he wields a saif that has sliced out the insides of gods, and in the other he carries a gada that no normal man could wield, even with both hands holding it.”

“And you expect me to be his matesprit?!” Feferi shook her head. “No way! I’m not about to attach myself to some crazed berserker whose only off-switch is… what? Because if he’s really one of those Painted Heretics, then how do they control his bloodlust?”

“Advisor Pyrope has intimated that Khan Makara is controlled with opium, in copious amounts. Records suggest it is supplied by a country across the Worldsedge named Selderhafen.” Feferi sighed. “My sources also tell me that her main opium supplier will be traveling with us, likely bringing along several months’ worth of the plant. Or the drug derived therefrom, I’m not sure.”

“Well, at least we can be thankful for that.” Feferi glared at her advisor. “But this is only lasting until the border, right?”

“Until we reach the Imperium, yes. At which point you will have to be incognito, which may be difficult with your… distinctive horns.”

“Mine aren’t as bad as some people’s. They may be big, but it’s not like they’re massive.”

“Indeed… and your face would probably attract more attention anyway. Unless we were to cover you in a veil. Would you be all right with a veil, my Lady?” Feferi’s gills flapped as she gave the matter serious consideration. It would, indeed, be her facial fins that would cause the most trouble. And while they could be hidden, she would have to appear proper…

“What is the religious climate like in Psokles?” Kanaya sighed.

“That, my Lady, I cannot say.” Feferi nodded.

“I’ll take what you say under consideration, and later tonight I’ll announce my decisions to the land.”

“With your leave?” Feferi nodded, absent-mindedly staring out the window. The city was just waking up from a peaceful day’s sleep. Nightfall was coming later and later. She despised summer; the days were hotter than they had any right to be, and the nights were short. Too short. She pulled out her mage-book. It had been covered in jewels and glittered with engraved precious metals. An ostentatious show of wealth, to be sure, but it was her book, and she was the closest thing the Atzkir Khanates had to royalty. In brilliant rubies on the cover was the title, _The Cuttle Caretaker_. She had seen the strange beasts on one of her many trips to the sea, and had become enamored with them. But those thoughts were for another time. Someone was trying to communicate with her.

 **  
ff, hey, iit’2 me.   
SOLLUX!!!! 38D How are you eeling?   
not two 2habby. 2tiill u2iing the fii2h pun2 ii 2ee.   
)(e)(e)(e! It’s a w)(ale bunc)( of fun, punning with fis)(. And I promise on my gills that w)(en we are toget)(er at last I will cuttle with you for )(ours!   
excellent. 2o ii2 kn 2tiill goiing on about gz? only ii know 2he’2 got that part of the plan worked out two perfectiion, 2o 2he’ll probably be gettiing really ant2y real 2oon. e2peciially iif you’re goiing two tell tho2e people that you’re goiing two become gz’2 mate2priit. ii can’t 2ee that goiing over well wiith them for two long.   
I agree! So s)(e’s saying I s)(ould start a glubbing WAR! I mean S)(-E-ES)(, talk about mixed-up priorities! I’m L-EAVING, t)(e last t)(ing I need is a war!   
two word2, ff: 2moke. 2creen. iit work2, tru2t me. troll2 are viiolent and mo2t of them are 2tupiid, pre2ent company excluded. iit’2 a 2iimple fact of life. and every troll ha2 bliind 2pot2, liike how dv’2 ii2 hii2 iin2ecuriitiie2 wiith dragon2 or kk’2 ii2 hii2 weiird blood hangup. ii 2wear, eq ii2n’t even thii2 uptiight about blood color. make2 you wonder.   
Can we not talk about your general or Karkat or Dave? I want to talk about us!   
ff, ii don’t know what two 2ay about u2, mo2tly becau2e ii2 there even an u2? 2ure, ii 2uppo2e ii liike you a lot, and ii know you liike me two, but that’2 about iit. ii mean, ii may deal wiith 2ubtle omen2 a lot, but omen2 are a lot ea2iier two read than troll2. ii mean, ii want an u2, but ii’m not 2ure ii’m good enough for you…   
Sollux, quit it! You are definnitely good enoug)(! And if you’re going to flounder wit)( words, t)(en cod dammit, I’m going to say it first! Sollux Captor, from now on, despite w)(at Kanaya glubs and w)(at I glub in public, you are my matesprit! Do you finnally undorsaltand?   
…heh. yeah, ii get iit. 2o when you get here, ii’ll be waiitiing. and ii’ve got a 2urprii2e for you… not two many people know iit about me. 2ee you iin a week or 2o.   
All rig)(t. But we’re going to talk about us sometime, and I promise it will be -EXCITING!   
well, we’ll talk later then. ii’ve got two go 2ee iif the iimperator’2 mood ii2 any wor2e.   
OK, Sollux! BY-----------E!   
**

Feferi laughed as she closed the book. True, if any of the nobility found out about her arrangement they’d have a heart attack, and Kanaya would probably have an aneurysm out of rage. But she couldn’t care less. This would make the semblance of matespritship with Gamzee more bearable. And it would make the voyage quite pleasurable once they were in his company. She just had to check one last thing.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Emergent Eschaton_   
)(i!   
feferi! it’s been a while. h0w have y0u been?   
O)(, can’t complain! I do )(ave a reelly important question, t)(oug)(! You’re )(eading out tonig)(t, rig)(t?   
if vriska d0esn’t delay us then yes. tavr0s is all ready and karkat’s. well, he’s karkat. the bl00d heresy and all.   
So many )(eresies. W)(y can’t we just )(ave one religion and be DON-E wit)( it?   
kn0wing 0ur race, it w0uld dev0lve int0 a th0usand different sects. and then we’d be in even m0re tr0uble. as it is we’re fractured. i mean, there are at least f0ur “0rth0d0x” branches of drac0nicism in shivyadr al0ne. let al0ne h0w many there are in atzkir.   
Draconicism? O)(! You mean t)(e Dragon )(eresies! I t)(oug)(t t)(ose were a myt)(! But I suppose t)(at not every )(eresy is a )(eresy everyw)(ere.   
i w0uld argue that there are 0nly f0ur true heresies.   
I’m not going to argue wit)( t)(at. I never had the t)(ink pan for t)(at sort of religious t)(inking. I’m a proud sout)(ern ort)(odox reform astrologist, and that’s that.   
0rth0d0x sects have the m0st ridicul0us names. alth0ugh it’s n0t like the heter0d0x sects are much better. at least the mintscale heter0d0xy is sensibly named. s0metimes i worry that 0ur heresies are drawing m0re tr0lls than the accepted religi0ns because 0f 0ur ridicul0us names.   
glub glub glub. W)(ale, no use worrying about it! Still, I suppose my anemonies in t)(e court are expecting me to address them. And my frond the Advisor.   
kanaya’s y0ur 0nly friend 0n the c0uncil, isn’t she?   
Sadly, yes. glub. Well, I suppose it’s time to bite the t)(umb-rag and do it. Wis)( me w)(ale!   
g00d luck, feferi.   
**

Feferi steeled herself as she made her way to the chamber where her courtiers and advisor were waiting for the night’s announcements.

***

 **Kyushkov, outside the Imperial Stables.**

Tsaritsa Aradia Megido looked uneasily at her mount. Tavros had assured her that the beast would be all set to ride, that it would respond to the lightest touch, that she could even guide it with her knees if she wanted. She growled; she would have preferred a horse with wheels instead of feet, and paved roads all the way. Writing in a saddle was difficult, and she wanted to wipe that smug smirk Dave was surely wearing off his face when she arrived in Lalonde’s country. Wipe it off and replace it with shock that the beautiful troll standing before him had been mistaken for a dragon. Even if her blood _was_ dirt-red, it was still the blood of the Tsaritsa.

And speaking of Dave, she figured she could stand to talk to him again. After all, he was quite enjoyable to talk to, especially when he was caught off-guard.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Idolized Scratch-Musician_   
hell0 dave!   
hey dragon lady. so whats up. i mean not that i dont mind but this is the third time youve called on me this week.   
well, we’re heading 0ut n0w. th0ught y0u might like t0 kn0w.   
okay so that means you have what. seven days until the worldsedge and then another week to cross it right. that gonna be enough time.   
we’ll make it w0rk. time has never been a pr0blem f0r me. i can’t really explain why, th0ugh. i think it may just be a happy c0incidence.   
coincidences are bullshit. whats really going on is youre just that fucking good. got it aradia. you are damn awesome at finding and making time. that is what your time never being a problem says. also your handwritings ugly. did you decide to draw with your left claw today.   
actually, it c0mes fr0m riding 0n h0rseback. i hate h0rses. stupid beasts. even if they are the fastest thing ar0und i still hate them s0 much. if 0nly we had carts that c0uld m0ve 0n their 0wn.   
ok note to self aradia is not a dragoon. got it.   
finally y0u see s0me sense, even if y0u misspelled drag0n.   
no i spelled dragoon right. theres a big difference between dragoons and dragons. dragoons are light cavalry. dragons are scaly lizards who eat people.   
0h, y0u mean a kazak. d0n’t be silly, 0f c0urse i’m n0 kazak. y0u have t0 be accepted by the kazak elders, and there’s n0 way i w0uld have been. after all, i am the tsaritsa and thus c0mmander 0f the kazak f0rces. and even if i weren’t, i’d be t00 l0w 0n the hem0spectrum f0r them t0 c0nsider me.   
im gonna assume kazak is a dragonese word for something bigass and scary like a rotgrafswyrm or something. definitely some sort of grafswyrm. and you command em. holy fucking balls.   
i already t0ld y0u, i d0n’t c0mmand drag0ns. h0nestly. we’ll meet up s00n en0ugh and then i’ll sh0w y0u and y0u’ll be begging f0r mercy. but i will give n0ne. n0ne at all.   
pff yeah whatever. anyway im prepping for my trip to elimands so yeah.   
all right. g00dbye.   
later   
**

Aradia snapped the book shut. He was so frustrating. And riding on horseback was only souring her mood. “Tavros, how much longer until daybreak? I want to do some more writing, but this infernal beast causes my pen to jerk all over.”

“Uh, perhaps you shouldn’t, um, be writing on horseback, Your Majesty?” Aradia sighed. Tonight was going to be a long one.

***

 **Imperator’s Quarters, Ithenoi**

Eridan Ampora pored over his notes. Now was a golden opportunity for invasion, and it was just being wasted by his good-for-nothing court. Equius was useless, Sollux was absurdly hesitant, and Nepeta… well, at one point in time her flesh had felt wonderful under his fingers, a veritable wonder of sensation. But now, a woman had him confounded, and she was no ordinary woman. Of the others, only Feferi had displayed such noble blood. And Feferi could never feel this attraction to him. He was certain of it.

Speaking of whom… He pulled a tome from the pile upon his desk, a quaint and curious volume entitled _The Aquatic Vivarium of Imperator Gaius_. He opened it up to a blank page and began scrawling a message to his friend the Khatan.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Cuttle Caretaker_   
fef you gotta help me. wwhen i meet rose finnally wwhat am i gonna say. i mean if i had my pike a the girls in all a psokles id still choose her ovver all a them. please im beggin you fef.   
S)(-E-ES)(, OK! Just kelp your clam and you’ll do fine!   
im just so fuckin wworried. i mean here i am about to meet the most perfect girl in all a the wworld an i havve this feelin i might bloww it. so i gotta knoww wwhat i oughta say an do an i knoww youre in her class bloodwwise so maybe you knoww a feww things i dont. like wwhat impresses a high class lady like you or lalonde.   
W)(at impresses us? Um… glub glub glub w)(ale does she like fis)(?   
i asked her an she said a course she does. shes probably thinkin im a fuckin idiot for askin that but wwell shes a daywwalker isnt she.   
)(e)(e)(e. Yes, t)(at s)(e is! Alt)(oug)( I t)(ink t)(ey’re not too different from us, apart from maybe culling a little less t)(an we do. And t)(e w)(ole daywalker t)(ing. But don’t worry, my super-moirail! S)(e’ll be great for you, just wait and see!   
thanks fef. now i gotta go pester captor about one a his plans. fuckers got all the plans. all of them. him an that garden girl.   
)(e)(e)(e OK -Eridan!   
**

Eridan sighed as he dipped his pen into the inkwell again. Tonight was probably going to be a long night of preparation and nothing else. Time to talk with Rose might even be cut. Which, he reflected, would be a tragedy. But first things first. Two more people to contact.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Twinned Armageddons_   
captor are you fuckin there.   
what ii2 iit bo22 man?   
i need a bit a advvice. its about nep. see its not that shes not a good lay but shes kinda takin up a red concubine space an i wwont need one a those much longer. so wwhat i wwas wwonderin wwas wwhen i could go an officially break me an her up.   
omen2 2ay two waiit on that, fucka22. 2he’2 currently only protected becau2e you went two 2uch great length2 two 2ave her. a2 2oon a2 2he’2 no longer your concubiine 2he’2 got a2 much chance of helpiing u2 iin her de2tiined role a2 kaii2ur ha2 of gettiing you two bow two hiim. iin other word2, zero.   
fuck. can i at least fuckin tell her wwere through from noww on.   
yeah 2ure. 2he’2 not goiing two blab iif you mentiion two keep up appearance2 untiil the other2 get here. mentiioniing kk miight help.   
kar. wwhy wwould mentionin kar help.   
2he’2 crazy for hiim. 2eriiou2ly, ju2t lii2ten two her gu2h about kk 2ometiime. 2o yeah. tell her two keep iit on the down low iif you tell her.   
all right. any advvice on wwhat i oughta do wwhen wwe meet up wwith rose. i mean i knoww its kinda embarrassin but ivve gotta not fuck this up.   
ju2t keep your cool and everythiing wiill be fiine. 2top worryiing. iit’2 a horriible iidea two keep fiixatiing on 2omethiing you can’t prediict. tru2t me, ii’ve triied.   
all right captor. noww then ivve gotta tell nep about wwhat wwere gonna do.   
good luck. although iid 2tiil 2ugge2t waiitiing.   
**

Eridan closed the book. Nepeta could wait, of course, and he’d wanted Sollux to think that he was going to contact her. After all, that was the kind of rash, impetuous thing he’d always do, right? He opened up his book and began writing again. This time, however, it was to someone who would know what to say to Rose.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of On the Natural Order of the Ephemeral_   
john. john are you fuckin there. its about rose.   
oh hey! how’s it going, eridan ol’ buddy ol’ pal?   
itd be better if you wwould quit wwith that nonsense. anywway you knoww rose pretty wwell. youre her stepladder or somethin. an so i wwas wwonderin if you had any advvice for wwhat to say to her wwhen wwe meet so i dont glub it.   
stepBROTHER, eridork. also, yeah! i can definitely help you with that. i’d suggest you lock lips with her before she does anything else and then just not say anything.   
i wwas hopin for somethin more helpful, egbert. i mean i knoww she doesnt floww wwith blood superiority so im not gonna evven fuckin touch the hemospectrum but maybe a discussion a practical applications a sorcery. i mean wwould she be into that.   
well, she does like wizards! so, i dunno, maybe, i guess? also have you considered saying hello first you see her?   
im not an idiot egbert. besides wwhich rose is a classy lady. wwhich you oughta fuckin knoww but i guess stepbrothers got a wway a thinkin differently about their stepcisterns than most people. wwhich is totally wweird but ok. im just so wworried that im gonna be tongue tied. i mean my pen flowws freely wwith her but its gonna complicate things wwhen i finally see her face to face. wwith those wwonderful… you knoww.   
eww, dog! nasty! that’s my stepsister you’re talking about! ugh!   
wwell fine egbert be that wway. see if i help you wwith vvris if you piss her off.   
i know how to handle a pissed-off vriska, eridan! It’s a simple matter of getting back into her good graces, usually through a lavishing of compliments.   
fuckin hell she really has you trained wwell. wwell egbert i gotta go an talk to rose about wwhats goin on wwith our redrom situation.   
all right, eridan. tmi, but all right. later.   
later.   
**

Eridan sighed. Now to contact Nepeta. After all, he’d rather she learn from him than from Sollux. That was the proper aristocratic way, after all.

***

 **Harley Company Plantation and Alchemical Laboratories, outside Sengt Daavød**

Jade Harley calmly watched the experiment she was working on. If it worked, then perhaps sorcery could be duplicated by those without the elusive mage-gift. It was a long shot, of course, but it was worth a shot. After all, she’d perfected a means of weaponizing black powder, two of them in fact, and one of them even caused damage similar to a dispersing blast spell. She’d called it a granaat, after the old word for a pomegranate, and the other invention was a myskøt, after the ancient weapon said to be able to bring gods to a standstill.

She’d also began calling them “muskets” ever since John miswrote the word. Or maybe misread. And, truth be told, it was a catchy term. But in the meantime, she was working on something different. A method of refining chemicals from plants without having to resort to magic. The more opium she could squeeze out of the poppies without resorting to magic, the easier it would be to convince commoners to use it as a painkiller.

The experiment began smoking, and Jade sighed. Another failure, this time with heat extraction. She turned off the burner and closed off the experiment using a small glass cover. Eventually, it would stop burning; Jade had her ideas as to why, but had no clue how to go about testing them. Still, fires had to breathe; this was well-known. So something about the air had to be causing it to keep burning. One of these days, Jade would find out why air was needed for a flame. What was so special about air?

She opened her book, looking along the list of contacts. Her dream oracles had told her which ones to contact today. She started with the first one on the list.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Art of Facilitation Through Disturbing Wisdom_   
kanaya hi!!! how are you doing today?!?!   
Oh Fairly Well. I Am Still Having Difficulty Getting Pyrope To Acknowledge My Advances But I Suppose That Is An Occupational Hazard.   
hehehe~ yeah. anyway, i have to ask how things are going on your end! is feferi holding up okay?   
She Is Doing As Admirably As Ever. I Believe She Has Found Some External Source Of Self Esteem. And I Believe That Sources Name Is Sollux Captor. She Is Quite Flushed For Him.   
they do sound like they’d be cute together! :P   
I Agree. Call Me Sappy If You Wish But Redrom Is The Greatest Concept In The History Of The World And Anyone Who Says Otherwise Is Indubitably Wrong.   
i agree! as an old poet in agorium once said, omnia vincit amor! love conquers all!   
I Think Ill Borrow That Phrase. Omnia Vincit Amor. Very Nice. Of Course I Suppose Were Going To Have To Talk About This Later. You Wanted To Talk About Where We Were In Our Plans Right.   
yup! i’m just checking on everyone, making sure things are running smoothly. ^_^ after all, we’re on a schedule! i’m going to be heading to the reich soon to meet up with dave again, and i know that rose and john are already together.   
Thats Good News. As For Our Preparations Theyre Underway. Well Be Leaving Once Khan Makara Gets Here. Of Course Hell Be Traveling With The Tsaritsas Delegation So Theres That. And Then Well Be Leaving For Psokles Before Crossing The Worldsedge. The Timetables Are Running Smoothly And If What Karkats Told Me Is Right Theyll Be Here In Time. I Must Admit Im Fairly Excited. This Will Be Our First Time Seeing Each Other Face To Face Despite The Dream Oracles.   
yup!!! and on that note, i’ve got a couple more contacts the oracles wanted me to make! talk to you soon, kanaya!!!   
Indeed Farewell.   
**

Jade grinned as she closed the book. She couldn’t wait to meet them. The Dream Oracles had been sort of fuzzy, but enough pressing had revealed a set of twelve people easily picked apart. Especially Vriska. Jade still worried about John’s crush on her, if only because she sounded so manipulative, if Tavros was to be believed.

Speaking of, it was time to contact him. He should have been finished with the day’s (night’s?) riding.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of A Farewell to Bullfighters_   
tavros hi!!!   
uHHH, hELLO AGAIN, jADE, hOW ARE YOU THIS DAWN,   
oh, i’m doing fine. been doing some experiments! how was riding across the country?   
uM, hARD, fOR THE MOST PART, uMMM, bUT WE MADE GOOD, uHH, tIME ACROSS THE PLAINS, sO NOW WE’RE, uHH, sTAYING IN A COUPLE, uHH, tENTS, iT LOOKS LIKE, uHH, iT MIGHT RAIN SOON,   
oh no!!!!! your tents are waterproof, right?!   
wELL, tHE ENCHANTMENTS ON THEM SHOULD, uHHH, hOLD FOR A FEW HOURS, bUT kARKAT THINKS, uHH, tHAT THE tSARITSA SHOULD, uHHH, rENEW THE MAGIC HERSELF, wHICH SEEMS KIND OF, uMMM, oDD, i MEAN, sHE DOESN’T KNOW, uHH, tHAT SORT OF MAGIC, iT’S NOT ONE OF, uMM, tHE tSARITSA’S NEEDED SKILLS,   
hmm… i’ll trust your judgment on this one, tavros! so is everything going on schedule with getting aradia to our side of the mountains?   
aCTUALLY, iT’S DIFFICULT TO KEEP HER FROM, uHHH, rUNNING THE HORSES RAGGED, sHE WANTS TO MEET UP WITH, uHHH, tHAT VON sTRIDER PERSON, i’M NOT SURE i LIKE HIM ALL THAT, uHHHH, mUCH, hE SEEMS A LITTLE, uMM, iNTOLERANT OF OUR RELIGIONS, sO, uHH,   
i understand! dave is kind of like that, once he gets an idea into his head it’s hard to get him to quit on it. like my childhood companion bec! he thought he was a devilbeast, and i think he still thinks so, even though bec ran away.   
wELL, hE SOUNDS UNREASONABLE, sO WE SHOULD, uHHH, pROBABLY STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM, oN OTHER TOPICS, hOW READY ARE YOU FOR OUR, uMMM, aRRIVAL,   
i’m good! also i’m making a lot of headway on my next project! the engine is a bit hard to get completed, but if grandpa’s library is correct then i’ll be able to build an airship by the time dave gets here! then i just have to make the fuel… fingers crossed!   
yEAH, gOOD LUCK WITH THAT, tHEN WE COULD FLY, rIGHT,   
yeah!!! okay tavros, i’d rather not keep nepeta waiting. the dream oracles say i have to contact her soon, or things will go bad.   
tHAT DOESN’T SOUND, uHH, gOOD, i GUESS YOU SHOULD GO, gOODBYE THEN,   
**

Jade sighed as she turned the page, writing out the name of Nepeta’s journal. Hopefully she wouldn’t bring up Karkat this time. The last thing Jade needed was for that fidgety cussing bastard to be brought up. It would ruin her mood. Then again, he’d probably be brought up. Nepeta was flat-out obsessed.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Catmint Laced With Arsenic_   
nepeta hi!   
:33 jade! why are you contacting little old meow?   
i was just wondering how things were going. i mean, you’re still coming, right? we’re going to need you!   
yup! i have a secret from the impurrator, too! :33 but i think i can tell you… he says i’m fr33! we’re not matesprits anymore so i can pursue a redrom with karkitty! i’m so excited i can barely stand it! just think, once me and karkitty have a few meowments to ourselves…   
yeah, i can see that happening! hee hee! so nepeta, apart from the news from eridan, anything else important going on?   
purrhaps you’d like to know how i killed two courtesans intent on killing eridan?   
wait, there were two people who tried to kill him?   
yeah… i think i may have b33n lucky to have s33n them. they’re being sneakier about it these days! but you have to get up purrty early to sneak past nepeta the fierce! h33h33!   
so eridan told you to keep it a secret?   
fur a little while, yeah. i’m just bad at k33ping secrets. anyway one more w33k and karkitty should be here! i’m so excited! but until then i have to be sneaky and pretend to be the purrfect concubine! which means i should purrobably get going so that i don’t pounce into the middle of a grand celebration and make people paws fur me. X33 bye jade!   
all right, bye!   
**

Jade sighed as she closed the book. Yes, Nepeta and the rest would cross the Worldsedge safely, and Karkat would be with them, the shouty bastard. The oracles said that as clearly as they said that the airship would be absolutely necessary, and completed in time for them to stock up where Dave would want to stop — outside some massive hall with seven thrones behind a massive bench, men and women seated at it like it was a tribunal, and they the justices.

The bell she had hooked up to announce that she had a guest waiting to come in rang. She ran at once to the manor’s front door. After a few moments, she opened it carefully, allowing a man to enter her eclectic headquarters. He was tall, with several tattoos reminiscent of a sailor. “Miss Harley?” Jade nodded. “Lars Møller. I have come with some disturbing news, and though I pledge loyalty to the Guildmaster’s Circle I have a development that must be shared. The Alchemist’s Guild has asked that you be deposed.” Jade frowned.

“I don’t see how that’s disturbing. Deposing guild leaders happens all the time if the guild feels they’re not doing the proper work.”

“Violently.” Jade blanched.

“That would be a problem. See if you can keep them from enacting any violent deposing for… let’s say a month? Are you capable of that, Lars?”

“More than capable.” Lars grinned, pulling up his sleeve. Jade gasped. “Yes. I have spoken with my guildmaster, Jens Brocken. He’s decided to keep out of this affair… as has Guildmaster Stenger. I think you’ll find that your two greatest friends on the council have leapt to your aid… as covertly as possible, of course.”

Jade laughed. “Tell Jens and Tyge that I owe them. One favor or special order each, but it either has to be doable within a month or able to be taken at a later date. I’m going to be leaving the country for a while, although Lisa should be able to handle things for me while I’m gone.” Lars blushed slightly. “Don’t tell me Lisa’s in on this plot.”

“No, actually, I was going to ask you, since I have permission from Guildmaster Brocken, would it be all right if I courted Miss Østergård?” Jade laughed.

“Of course. You two enjoy yourselves.” Jade laughed as Lars practically skipped off out of her door. She closed the door and sighed. It looked like the pystole would be finished before her ship’s fuel. Ah well. Fuel could be produced anytime. Protection needed to be top priority. She sighed. At least the Assassins’ and Soldiers’ Guilds were on her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was fun to write. Especially the bit with Jade at the end and the whole interacting with the messenger type dude who is actually an assassin. And Chapter Five is going to be so much fun when it drops.


	5. Abscond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad dreams, worse bread, and even worse service. Really, today is not a good day to take a trip. Even to dreamland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my friend [Lemu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemu) suggested that I should link to [my tumblr](http://thegrimlich.tumblr.com) to gather readership and such. If you follow me I will try to keep up with you, I promise! :( But enough about me and my [tumblr](http://thegrimlich.tumblr.com) and all this [shameless](http://thegrimlich.tumblr.com) [self-promotion](http://thegrimlich.tumblr.com).
> 
> This chapter was kinda fun to write, especially with the last section and its whole... well, you'll see. Next chapter was fun to write as well. I think I've managed to come up with something incredibly fun for me to write. Enjoy!

_“And I wonder where she will stay/My little runaway” — Geoffrey Chaucer_

 **Dostev Inn, Chrnavl**

Aradia sighed as Karkat paid for their rooms. She was beginning to regret the decision she’d made. Staying in the inn in the nowhere hick town might not have been the best idea. Then again, few people probably recognized her. It was, after all, the benefit of this being a nowhere hick town. She heard him begin to get in an argument with the innkeeper. She sighed.

“Of course I’m a member of the Blood Anonymity movement, why the fuck else would I be wearing this symbol? Grow a pair of eyes, you corkscrew-horned fuck.” He stormed over to the bar and plopped down next to Aradia. “Fucking greenbloods thinking they can charge extra just because I support blood anonymity. It’s almost as insulting as his insistence that we pay extra to keep you here and unculled.” He glared at Tavros. “Also, Tavros, I know this is going to sound stupid, but have you considered maybe getting horn reduction so those fucking _antlers_ you have there aren’t as long as your armspan?”

“These are, uh, my heritage, Karkat, and I’m not, umm, giving that up. Legend says my, uh, ancestor had horns twice as large!” Karkat spat on the bar.

“Legend also says that the Sufferer’s rebellion led to the dissolution of the monolithic troll empire, but only idiot grublings believe that pack of lies — the ones about the Sufferer _or_ about there ever being a ‘monolithic troll empire’. Do us all a favor and get those godawful things shortened so we don’t have to worry about busting down doors.” Aradia removed herself from the conversation. It was still early morning, a decent enough time to contact those on the other end of the Worldsedge.

 **_missive directed at the keeper of The Garden of Gnosis_   
hell0, jade. y0u d0ing all right? 0nly karkat and tavr0s have g0tten int0 an0ther argument ab0ut tavr0s’s h0rns. and then karkat brings up the sufferer, which he kn0ws is a tab00 subject, but he apparently likes breaking th0se.   
hi, aradia!!! hmm… sounds like you’ve got a real problem on your hands! has tavros brought up nepeta yet? you might want to nip that in the bud if he hasn’t, she’s something of a sore subject for karkat!   
t00 late. tavr0s just menti0ned her. i think if karkat d0esn’t calm d0wn we’re g0ing t0 have bl00dshed 0n 0ur hands. tavr0s’s bl00d, specifically.   
um… hmm. is karkat really that much better at fighting than tavros?   
abs0lutely. there’s a reas0n he’s the captain 0f the bl00d guard. i’ve yet t0 see him spill even a dr0p 0f his 0wn bl00d in a fight. fighting skills like his are unreal. h0w d0 y0u even get that g00d? and apparently he’s bec0me a master 0f r0mantic disentangling. s0meh0w. still, i’d rather this wh0le thing ended bef0re t00 s00n. preferably with0ut bl00dshed.   
i can take care of that! who do you want distracted?   
make it tavr0s, i can calm karkat d0wn easily if y0u’ve g0t him taken care 0f.   
ok! i’ll see you soon enough, but first to calm down mr. tavros! heehee! wish me luck!   
y0u w0n’t need it, but g00d luck anyway. **

Aradia sighed. As Tavros’s book went off, the long-horned troll turned a deep brown and opened it to see who was writing him. Meanwhile, Aradia waved Karkat over. “Captain Vantas, are you aware that fighting with Keeper Nitram is not conducive to the success of our mission?” Karkat scowled.

“You’re whipping out the highblood language, this must be fucking important. Fine, fine, I get it. But please, if you’re going to give Tavros a fucking nickname, at least call him Summoner. Jackoff wants to believe the Summoner was his ancestor, let him. That story ended in heartbreak anyway, if he wants to forget that then fine by me.”

“It was still an uplifting story! Unlike the one you keep bringing up, Vantas. I mean, the Sufferer? Really?” Karkat shrugged. “Why would you possibly enjoy that? I mean, it’s full of doom and gloom and all that nonsense!”

“Hey. First of all, it’s a tragedy, that’s how it’s supposed to go. Secondly, fuck you, it’s a tale of high romance, deep tragedy, and unrelenting warfare. Seriously, how much better of a troll epic could you get? There is no improving upon the myth of the Sufferer.”

“It’s _also_ taboo, Vantas, so shove it!” Karkat raised his eyebrows at her. “Bad enough that you have to parade the Sufferer’s symbol on your shirt — and enough about Blood Anonymity, they chose that symbol for a reason, you know.” She glowered at the table. “And besides, wasn’t the Sufferer supposedly some sort of mutant freak?”

“Hatched lower than the lowest low, outside the hemospectrum, yeah,” replied Karkat. “Fuck, I could probably recite the whole epic. It’s not like it’s a bad story or anything. Power in general just sort of fears it happening again, as if anyone would be retarded enough to attempt a Sufferer disaster in real life. And even if there was a moron that thick, I imagine you being the Tsaritsa would give them pause.” He grinned. “Incidentally, it’s hilarious watching you duke it out with Serket, you should really consider making her your official kismesis. I mean, it’s already more obvious than bullboy’s horns.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she responded airily, tapping on the bar to grab the bartender’s attention. The compact-horned troll squinted a little as he looked at the Tsaritsa. “I’d like a double firebrand. Heavy on the burning.” The barkeep nodded and turned to Karkat.

“…Fuck it, just get me a triple-sized stumbling wayfarer.” The Barkeep turned somewhat pale, but nodded and set to work. Karkat turned to Aradia. “I am _not_ poisoning myself, Dia,” he said. “I am just trying to get blasted enough that Tavros’s horns won’t bothoh fucking hellbound Ancestor of a diseased hired matesprit what do you want Serket?” Vriska grinned at the man she had just gotten behind.

“For you to be a little less pushy. I adore the gesture, Karkles, but really, you’re not the type who could capture my blackrom so easily. Leave that to the real trolls.” Karkat muttered something that sounded a lot like “Shove off and fuck a mule”. “Yeah, you wish I would. Anyway, boss lady, I gotta talk to you about the plan again.” She glanced at Karkat. “Shove off, crabby.”

“No.” Karkat raised an eye at Aradia. “Karkat stays. It’s important he be here for whatever you want to talk about. In fact…” She leaned on the bar and looked over at Tavros. “Nitram! Get over here!” The sound of wood sliding on wood echoed as the troll unsteadily made his way over. As soon as he’d arrived, she said, “Well, Serket?”

“Look, it’s just… argh! Are we seriously going to be stopping here overday? We could really go all day if we have to, to get to the Worldsedge faster so I can get — er, I mean, so we can start our important quest?” Aradia sighed. “Well, it would!”

“Because,” said Karkat, glaring at Vriska, and sharing another glare with Aradia, “we can’t be early. If we go early just because your seed flaps are more impatient than a blue-blood at a hanging then we’ll wind up triggering disaster. That’s what Kanaya and Sollux have said, and in case you two haven’t noticed, they _kind of_ know what they’re fucking talking about. Or have you forgotten Kanaya’s warning about your white orb, Vriska?” Vriska snarled at him.

“Fuck you, Vantas.”

“You wish, Serket.” Karkat glared at her. “You’ll get to see Egbert’s bulge soon enough and give it all the attention he’d ever want, you just have to be fucking patient. Got it?”

“Um… also, the, uh, horses wouldn’t like being forced to, um, run all night and all, um, day…” Tavros grimaced a little. “So we’ve got, um, three more nights. I think we should be able to, uh, keep up the current pace with no problems, ma’am.” He grinned. “And I think the horses will be happy, um, with the arrangement too.”

“Thanks, beastboy,” muttered Vriska. “Ugh. It’s way too late to be thinking about any more of this, I’m going to bed.” And with that, she stormed up the stairs to the room they’d gotten. “But we will continue this discussion when I’m more awake!” The door slammed closed. Aradia sighed.

“I imagine you two will be headed up shortly?” she asked. Tavros nodded, but Karkat shook his head and pulled out his purse, pen, and communication book.

“The day is young and I’ve got some questions that need answering.” Aradia sighed and nodded, turning to head upstairs. Behind her, she heard Karkat call up to her. “Hey. Sleep well, all right, Dia?” She nodded as she opened the door. Vriska was writing in her book, probably talking to John, but Aradia couldn’t care less at the moment. She just wanted sleep and, after stripping down, she climbed into the recuperacoon. And as she nestled into the sopor slime for a good day’s sleep, she began to wonder what things would be like on the day side.

***

 **Village of Rivière de Rêve**

John looked around. Sure, the town was small, but it was on the river that fed directly into Rose’s city. And that was worth it, the whole day-trip out here, where Rose had said he’d be bored to tears. The wind carried a scent down from the highest hill in town. The scent of someone baking bread and making a horrible mess of it. No, that wouldn’t do. Bread had to be baked properly, and John of Egbert, son of the Count, was going to make sure that it was properly —

The book at his side went off without warning, spooking his horse and almost sending John to the cobblestone road. “Woah, girl. Easy, Liv. Calm down.” Guiding her to a nearby field, he tied her to a tree and opened the book, prepared to answer whoever was writing with a sharp rebuke.

 ** JOHN, ARE YOU THERE? I SUPPOSE NOT. SERIOUSLY, THE ONE TIME I HAVE TO ASK YOU SOMETHING AND YOU’RE LESS AVAILABLE THAN ERIDAN’S SANITY. AND THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS, TOO.   
what’s up, karkat? you seem kinda flustered.   
LOOK, IT’S DAY TWO OF OUR FOUR DAY TOUR AND JADE IS STILL BEING A BITCH. CAN YOU LEAN ON HER FOR ME?   
um, i’m not there right now! i’m actually about halfway across the continent smelling bread being made badly. for a group of people who pride themselves on bread these guys don’t do it well. i mean most of êlimands does a really nice job but these guys are all…   
OH SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP, EGBERT, SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR BAKERY FETISH FOR ONE GODDAMN SECOND AND LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. THE ISSUE IS VRISKA, OR MORE SPECIFICALLY, HOW HER ATTRACTION TO YOU IS CAUSING PROBLEMS. GOT IT? SHE’S TRYING TO GET US TO MOVE FASTER AND IT’S ALL. YOUR. FAULT.   
awww… that sounds wonderful, karkat! except the bit about it being my fault, but it sounds like vriska just wants to meet me! and i kinda want to meet her!   
LOOK, THE WHOLE POINT OF OUR PACE IS THAT WE’RE GOING SLOWLY SO THAT WE ARRIVE WHEN KANAYA AND SOLLUX SAY WE SHOULD. GOT THAT? NOT A MOMENT SOONER, NOT A MOMENT LATER. GOT THAT? IF WE ARRIVE TOO SOON, THINGS WILL GO TO SHIT AND EVERYTHING WILL TURN INTO ONE BIG CLUSTERFUCK OF DEATH AND FAILURE. AND I WILL BE DAMNED IF THAT HAPPENS TO ME. I’M KARKAT FUCKING VANTAS, FOR GOD’S SAKE.   
oh, all right, karkat. i’ll tell her to be patient when i talk to her again. which probably won’t be for a while.   
YEAH, WELL, JUST MAKE SURE YOU TELL HER THAT PATIENCE IS THE ONLY WAY WE’RE GETTING THIS FUCKING THING GOING.   
all right, jeez, keep your shirt on, karkat! gooooooood. i’ll talk to her and tell her what’s going on, don’t worry. you can trust my memory!   
THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GOING TO LET VRISKA KNOW MY SUSPICIONS ABOUT HER WHITE ORB, OR WHEN YOU SAID YOU’D LET KANAYA KNOW THAT IF SHE NEEDS TO VENT ABOUT SERVING IN FEFERI’S COURT SHE COULD TALK TO ME ABOUT IT. I MEAN SERIOUSLY. TRUSTING YOUR MEMORY IS THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO. SO YOU WILL STOP WRITING TO ME, WRITE VRISKA A MESSAGE SAYING CHILL OUT, AND THEN CONTACT ME BACK.   
it could take a while! you know how long our conversations go.   
JUST FUCKING DO IT, EGBERT. **

John laughed as he closed the book. He could imagine Karkat actually yelling at his, as if it were the only way to get anything done. But before he talked to Vriska, he had something that his baking sense told him had to be done. These bakers were ruining their bread, and John of Egbert was _not_ going to stand for that! He’d show them how to bake bread right!

By the time he’d finished teaching them everything he’d learned about baking, it was almost midnight. The bakers hadn’t expected a noble to teach them anything, but teach them he had, because John Egbert refused to allow them to bake bread poorly. He opened his communication book and began writing to Vriska, hoping to surprise her with a late-night chat.

 **_missive directed at the keeper of In the Grip of the Spider_   
vriska hi!!!!!!!!   
John! John, darling, Karkat’s 8eing a grump again. He’s ir8 that I want to see you so soon. Which would normally be gr8 8ut he’s 8asically got the tsaritsa agreeing with him that I need to be p8tient. Do we really have to w8?   
karkat says so, and i think jade would probably say so too if i asked her. it’s not that we can’t see each other, though! it’s just that… siiiiiiiigh…   
Hehehehehehehehe. Oh, John. John, John, John, John, John, John, John, John. If you say you’re all right with w8ing, then I can w8. Not like we can’t talk to each other! Even if it is a 8it aggrav8ing. 8ut enough a8out Karkat and Jade. Let’s talk a8out you and me. And what we’ll 8e doing once I get there. Does that sound fun to you, John?   
hehehe… vriska, i’m glad i met you. well. got to know you through these conversations. we still haven’t physically met yet. but dave’s got these crazy ideas.   
Oh really? Like whaaaaaaaat?   
that same old you’re dragons thing, that aradia’s a rotgrafswyrm or commands them or something, that you guys are all scaly and have tails and wings…   
Dum8 idiot. May8e you should tell him there’s nothing wrong with me.   
i have been! you and your black hair and your blue eyes…   
Eye, John. The other one got 8urnt out, remem8er? In the explosion that took my arm?   
right. right. blue eye. and your silvery arm that… who’s making it for you?   
Equius. A 8it of an elitist and something of a 8rute 8ut otherwise not that 8ad a guy. 8ut yeah, Equius is the one making the arm. Something called ro8otics, I’m still not sure what he means 8y that 8ut they apparently work really well.   
well then… **

John grinned as he continued writing. They never got too detailed, in part because Vriska was still a bit squeamish and in part because John wasn’t sure how comfortable he was just saying what he was going to do to her, but… He grinned. He knew it would end with her “asleep” in his arms, and him asleep in an inn.

***

 **Castle Lalonde**

The scratch of pen on paper echoed through Rose’s chambers as she wrote out the latest in a series of treatises she’d begun on the impact of heavy magic use on mental stability. She would eventually compare her notes to Kanaya’s, Eridan’s, and Feferi’s, especially since the Khatan had an uncanny grasp of the subject. Her stepbrother had left the palace, and would likely not be back until the next day. She sighed as her book dinged. Someone was trying to contact her, and all they were doing was interrupting. She irritably opened the book and glared at the writing.

 ** r2 look ii know you normally aren’t 2uppo2ed two be bothered wiith triiviial 2tuff but ii need two talk two you about ed. he’2 mopiing 2omethiing fiierce and ii need you two talk hiim out of whatever he’2 planniing. 2eriiou2ly, 2omethiing need2 two be done 2oon.   
Eridan is doing perfectly fine. I have spoken with him recently, and informed him that he should expect a new treatise on magic from me sometime today. I have been trying to complete it. You would do well to leave me to write in peace until the treatise is finished.   
r2, iit’2 2eriiou2ly iimportant. i triied two talk two hiim but he’2 2tayiing locked iin hii2 chamber2 and he won’t an2wer me.   
Perhaps because, as I have mentioned before, he is awaiting a treatise I am currently writing, and have promised him by midnight, which if I recall correctly is noon for you.   
that 2ound2 about riight. 2tiill, could you at lea2t let hiim know that iit miight be a whiile? 2o that he’ll at lea2t eat? he miight be able two 2urviive wiithout a day’2 worth of food, but ii’d rather not leave that up two chance. not iif ii can help it. 2o plea2e, r2, tell him two go eat at lea2t?   
I suppose I shall try. I make no guarantees, though. I promised him the treatise by midnight, and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t reach him by then. And this is a very complicated subject, Sollux, so any delays in my treatise will be on your head. You understand that, correct?   
ye2, ye2, ii get iit, ju2t plea2e, tell hiim two 2top wiith thii2 2tupiidiity and eat 2omethiing.   
Very well. But I only do this at your insistence because you are, above all else, the most annoying person I’ve ever had the displeasure of speaking with. **

Rose irritably shut the book. There was no way she was going to contact Eridan just yet. It didn’t matter what Sollux said. If he wasn’t eating, well, that was his problem for staying up so long without food, and Eridan knew the risks.

Her pen angrily scratched the paper as she continued to write, the complex terminology explaining the summoning portals’ designs and their unusual power sources. Rose had yet to figure out a suitable power source for the summoning portal. All her previous attempts had either provided too little power or overflowed the portal and caused an explosion. Something was missing, and Rose couldn’t, for the life of her, figure out what it was.

Still, the treatise was finished fairly close to midnight, and she folded it into a nice envelope shape. Opening her book, she began writing Eridan.

 **_missive directed at the keeper of The Aquatic Vivarium of Imperator Gaius_   
Eridan, I’ve finally finished the missive. Prepare to receive a copy.   
_—facsimile of document A Treatise on the Summoning of Extradimensional Entities begun—  
—facsimile of document A Treatise on the Summoning of Extradimensional Entities finished—_   
thanks ros. anyone evver tell you howw wwonderful your treatises are to fuckin read. i mean wwell you knoww you got a wway wwith wwords and thats kind a a special talent. i swwear wwhat do you evven see in a guy like me. youre too good for me ros.   
I am not, and stop being so hard on yourself. I’m the one who’s reaching above her station. I’m a simple Duchesse. You’re an Imperator, the emperor of an entire country. You have power I can only dream of. It’s flattering that you enjoy my company. And I do so love explaining to my ladies in waiting that I have a lover across the Worldsedge.   
yeah wwell its not official yet. it wwill be soon though once wwe get out a the capital. an then wwell make swweet swweet lovve. an maybe somethin about a prophecy i dont knoww sols been on my fuckin bulge about that for a wwhile noww. i could of paid more attention but its like wwill you evver shut the fuck up sol.   
Indeed. He attempted to have me disturb you with false hope of my treatise’s completion to remind you to eat. Even though not eating would be an absurd thing to do when you consider that your darling Rose of the mystical lands beyond the Worldsedge wants a living lover.   
yeah i knoww. its not like i had the dumbwwaiter disconnected. i just made it too small for a fuckin assassin to creep in an kill me. wwell ok a wwriggler could but if theyre hirin fuckin wwrigglers to kill me they got no chance a success. anywway im gonna givve this treatise a yours a read an tell you howw it looks. ill probably let sol read it too once im done wwith it. evven if its not in his area a expertise i think hell wwant to read wwhat my matesprit-to-be wwrites.   
Well, Eridan, I will let you get to reading my work. In the teamtime, I think I shall sleep, and dream of a better tomorrow.   
sounds like a plan ros. sleep wwell.   
Likewise, Eridan. **

Rose closed the book and began changing into her bedclothes. Writing was such tiring work, especially when it pertained to those strange summoning engines. How would you even make one work? She allowed the question to flitter out of her head as she lay down for at least half a night’s sleep.

***

 **Khan’s Tent, Plains of Ak-Malar**

There wasn’t any opium in his dreams. The fragile fumes of the night fell away, and every day he was wrapped tight in the shroud of the truth, choking from the heady fumes. The rising of the sun always seemed to bring horrors with it, horrors raising their nightmarish heads in his psyche. They had since he was young and had acted in extreme aggression to placate his fiendish hunger.

It was only in his dreams he allowed himself to be vulnerable. Only in dreams would he cry, or scream, or allow the pale horrors to take hold of him. And in these dreams the horrors whispered the truth to him. He was a great troll, more powerful than any other, a furious warlord who should be killing all in his path. He argued that they were his friends, that he was their friend, that they were undeserving of punishment.

The horrors whispered back that they drugged him, lured him into a world of false calm, where all was beautiful. Terezi had lied. The nightmares told him that she wanted him dead, so she could be Khatan Makara, a blind Khatan for a blinded clan. They whispered that Karkat was not to be trusted. He didn’t wear his blood proudly. What was its shameful secret?

Still others commented on the mutation that Peixes supposedly had, the gills and fins. And their arrangement was no proper arranged matespritship. It was a sham, a lie, something conceived by Pyrope and Maryam to get them together. He should have a proper matesprit. The horrors demanded that he destroy Ampora and take his concubine. But Gamzee couldn’t.

The colors of their blood, of the blood of the ones across the Worldsedge, of Strider’s freak mutant blood, flowed into his mind. The pictures his mind painted with their blood were beautiful, but they terrified him. Violence, he knew, made the images go away, as he fulfilled their wishes. But the opium worked too, calmed him down, shut out the writhing horrors and their slippery voices. Until day broke and everything fell apart. The nightmares screamed at his think pan. Blood, it screamed. Give me that sweet troll nectar, it begged. Give me my sweetly bitter reminder of my power, it whispered. The horrors kept calling, individually and in chorus, as his fevered dreams gripped his pained mind.

The bloodlust called to him. It whispered gently. “Descendant. Descendant. Follow my footsteps. Follow the footsteps of the motherfucking Overlord.” He saw himself, but older, seated on a gilded throne. “While the Empire remains fractured, hope is lost. Become the true Grand Highblood. Remind those motherfucking aquatic mutants that they are beneath you. Tear the throat out of the motherfucking waterbitch when you see her. Grind the bones of the presumptuous finned motherfucking freak who dares to call himself Imperator into nothingness. And seek out that motherfucker Vantas. His ashen blood’s true color must be exposed.”

And Gamzee always responded in the same way. “No, Ancestor. They are my friends. They are my allies. They are aiding me in rebuilding. Do not call me to violence.”

The dream would often end there, but today it continued. “Call you to violence? That ain’t me, my motherfucking coward Descendant. That’s our motherfucking indigo blood talking. We share the highest blood of any true troll. The mutants are lower than low. We shall again bring them to heel, as I did before I was murdered by the worst of those motherfucking mutants.” Gamzee saw his Ancestor stand, walking forward wearing the bleeding wounds that had killed him. “That motherfucking Sufferer. He tore my empire to pieces. Become the Overlord again, Gamzee Makara. Destroy those who would oppose your reign! Unite the motherfuck out of the tribes of Atzkir! Break. Them. All.” He heard his Ancestor’s carapace crack. “And then tear the other nations limb from limb. Rebuild my empire.”

“No,” whispered Gamzee. “They are my friends. I can’t kill them. No. Fuck you, you motherfucking fake motherfucker! I won’t be a part of your motherfucking plans! Die, motherfucker, die!” He leapt at his ancestor. To fight would be suicide, he knew, but that couldn’t stop him. He would kill this motherfucker, destroy the motherfucking bloodlust that ruled his veins. His trusty club flew to his hand. Motherfucking ancestor was going to bleed motherfucking indigo.

He didn’t get four steps before his ancestor had torn out half his organs with a grisly claw. Gamzee could see his blood pump, his lungs, his stomach, all sitting in his Ancestor’s claws. “Just like I motherfucking thought.” His Ancestor took his stomach into his fanged mouth and began chewing on it. “You can’t help but submit to the will of your motherfucking bloodlust. I knew it, motherfucker. I motherfucking knew it.”

Gamzee woke up bleeding. He looked around, seeing his blood on a sharp rock that had somehow been in his tent. In his opium haze, he must have ordered it brought in. Or something. He headed to the opium. He needed his hit. He needed to enter that familiar haze. Maybe then things would make sense again. He may have been wrapped in lies, but at least those lies didn’t try to make him kill his friends. Only his enemies. The lucidity frightened him. He wouldn’t let it control him. No motherfucking way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This interpretation of Gamzee's position on his sobriety was inspired by [this headcanon.](http://homestuckheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/6707161596) Whoever submitted it, ILU.


	6. Into Atzkir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat gets all irritable, Sollux makes sure prophecies go as planned, Jade works on an airship, and Kanaya ponders kindling a red romance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter includes a little bit of my headcanon regarding mother grubs, namely that they're genomovores or however you want to say "creatures that only eat genetic material". Disgusting? Yes, but it's weird alien biology that the author has refused to expand upon, so there's kind of a lot of room to ponder this sort of bullshit. Also weird disgusting genetic bullshit is a lot more comfortable to me than some of the other weird disgusting bullshit that's floating around on the Internet.

_“If you don’t know where you’re going, you might not get there.” — Buzz Aldrin_

 **Plains of Ak-Malar, Eastern Atzkir**

The moon shone brightly overhead. The night was getting cold out on the plains. Karkat scratched at his horns as they arrived at the tent of the Khan. The soldiers were looking at them uneasily. Karkat fingered the sickle at his side. If they weren’t going to let them through, he’d be more than willing to do some convincing, but Aradia had said to let her handle it, and she was the Tsaritsa, so what she said pretty much went.

At least, it did in Shivyadr. The Khanates, well, nobody really knew what the Tsaritsa looked like, now did they? “No, we are to meet with the Khan,” she said. Karkat glared at one of the soldiers approaching him, some stuffed-up greenblood.

“And I’m telling you there’s no way that’s happening. Not without the consent of the Advisor, and Advisor Pyrope is meditating right now.” The troll that was arguing with his Tsaritsa was a blue-blood of fairly high pedigree. “Besides, what could a red-blood possibly offer our Khan?” Karkat sighed. “And why does your mistress not speak? Or are you her tongue?”

Karkat pulled out his book. This was going to get tricky. He began writing to his friend.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Mercurial Dead_   
GAMZEE, IT’S KARKAT. WE’VE GOT A LITTLE BIT OF A SITUATION, SOME BLUE-BLOOD ISN’T LETTING US IN TO SEE YOU. I THINK YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAN ON HIM.   
wOaH, hEy DuDe. No PrObLeM, tOtAl CaN dO. jUsT a SeCoNd, My InVeRtIbRoThEr.   
**

Karkat heard a voice from inside. “Motherfuckin’ let the motherfuckers in, Salzar. And tell Terezi to get all up in this miracle bitch!” The blue-blood glanced at the tent before turning to Aradia, who had been glaring at him quite hard.

“Fine. You may enter. But tell your Mistress that she should watch her slaves’ behavior more carefully.” Aradia’s fist clenched. “…Although I will require you to relinquish your weapon while in the Great Khan’s presence. None may enter his tent armed while the sign of the Sufferer desecrates their body.” Karkat began writing in his book again.

 **  
OK, HE’S LETTING US IN. AND I GUESS I’LL BE UNARMED BECAUSE THIS SALZAR FUCK THINKS I’M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN THAT’D JUST BE FUCKING STUPID.   
OkAy, My MoThErFuCkInG bEsT fRiEnD. iT’s AlL cHiLl In HeRe.   
I GATHERED.   
**

Karkat slammed the book shut, placed his sickle in the hands of the green-blood (he didn’t trust Salzar not to slit his throat with it), and walked into the tent, supporting Tavros as he did. “You are one goddamn heavy blade egg. What happened, did your lusus raise you to eat bricks?”

“Uh… no…” Karkat sighed as they entered the smoke-clouded tent. He coughed a little at the sensation. Tavros coughed as well, his coughing hard enough to actually clear the air around the two of them slightly. Karkat looked at the troll sitting — or rather, lounging — next to the opium pipe. The grin plastered on his face showed that he was clearly out of it. The white war-paint was expertly applied, but there were a few smudges, presumably from when the pipe had missed the mouth and slid along the Khan’s face. His yellow eyes were half-shut, and his pupils were surprisingly small for being in such a dark and hazy environment.

“Hahahahaha… all you motherfuckers are finally here, huh.” He stood up unsteadily, walking over to Aradia and giving her a massive hug. Karkat was the first to notice how tall and lanky the Khan was. He had been expecting some overgrown musclebound idiot, not a goofy giant. “Aradia, my onetime enemy, beauty from across the plains. How the motherfuck are things going in Shivyadr?”

Aradia seemed a bit shocked at the treatment, and barely managed to blurt out “Well enough” before Gamzee let her drop. He swayed slightly and turned to look at Vriska. “Fuuuck… I know you, but fuck if I know how…” Karkat sighed.

“That’s because you’re the one who fought her to pretty much a standstill, you dumb fuck.” Gamzee turned around and saw Karkat, giving him a massive hug and a kiss on each cheek. “Gerroffme, gerroffme!”

“Karkat! My number one best friend!” Now that Karkat had a chance to look at them, he noticed that Gamzee’s horns were long. Extremely long. Karkat would never admit to suffering from horn envy at anyone, but if he did, Gamzee would be at the top of the list. He wondered briefly if all the higher-bloods had horns like that. The thought of Egbert with massive horns amused him briefly. He would probably be okay with a black tryst, even if Karkat’s blood color did slip out (it would eventually, he knew; secrets never stayed kept, especially around the spider-bitch). “How the motherfuck are you, best friend?”

“I’d be better if you stopped kissing me and slobbering all over me, you dim-witted addict.” Gamzee laughed, gave him what the tall jerk probably thought was a gentle headbutt (it hurt like hell, although thankfully it didn’t crack the carapace), and moved on to Tavros. Karkat closed his eyes and grimaced. Tavros was already unsteady enough on his legs, and Gamzee wasn’t exactly at his steadiest (though if what Terezi had told him was true, Karkat didn’t exactly want to see a steady Gamzee). Still, he had to watch the disaster unfold. One eye crept open.

Gamzee leaned down and hugged Tavros. Thrown off balance by the hug, Tavros began to tumble backwards. With a crash, he went down, Gamzee getting dragged along for the ride. What appeared to be a small stool was split in two by the force of Tavros’s horn landing on it. Karkat was mildly impressed that the horn could withstand that sort of pressure. Sighing, he walked over to the two of them. “Next time, dumbass,” he said, helping Gamzee up, “don’t try to hug the guy who can’t walk properly.”

“I can, um, walk properly, Karkat.” Tavros scratched the miniature wyvern that had flown in after the crash under its chin; the devilbeast looked at Karkat from its perch on one of Tavros’s horns and bared its teeth, letting out a warning hiss.

“Sure as hell have a hard time with it,” said Karkat. “Seriously, how is it that on a horse you have more mobility than the Creator has blood colors, and off a horse you have about as good an ability to move around as Serket does with singing?”

“Fuck you,” said Vriska, her hand going up to scratch her eye socket again. “I can sing really well! Can’t I, Tavros?” Karkat sighed. That was perfect. Tav would never admit to her being bad at anything because even though she only had one arm and one eye, for some reason she scared the shit out of him.

“Vriska, I have to agree with Captain Vantas. Your singing voice is about as good as Tavros’s.” Karkat winced. Yes, fine, she had to make a comparison in horribleness, but did she really have to go for another sting at Tavros? Poor bastard was piling up a long list of today’s insults and injuries.

“So I take it Tavros has a bad singing voice?” came a female voice from the mouth of the tent. In walked Advisor Pyrope, perhaps the only other sane person in the camp. Karkat could respect that. He noticed that her horns were only slightly longer than his, which made him feel so good. “So. We move out tomorrow night, at twilight. Possibly today, if we can get away at midday.” Terezi handed a sickle to Karkat, holding it by the blade. “I think this is yours,” she said as he took it. “Guard said you wore the symbol of the Sufferer, I said nobody would be stupid enough to try that again.” She leaned over and sniffed at his shirt. “God, Vantas, you actually do wear that symbol?”

“It’s just a fucking myth,” growled Karkat. “The meaning is precisely jack shit, got it? I wear the symbol because in the myth the Sufferer fought to end blood inequality. Even if he didn’t succeed, the myth still had him upsetting the way the hemospectrum had been worked before his rebellion.” Karkat glanced at Gamzee. “Anyway, now we’re all here. When are we getting the fuck out of this place?”

“Fuck if I motherfuckin’ know, best motherfuckin’ friend,” said the Khan, taking another hit from the opium pipe. “Hey Pyrope! When the fuck we headin’ out?”

“In three hours, my Khan.” Terezi walked over to him. “Our horses will be ready by then. I hope the Tsar’s beasts can keep up. Tavros?”

“Don’t, uh, worry about us. We’re using my, uh, personal favorites, the four fastest that I ever, uh, raised.” Terezi raised an eyebrow.

“You raised them? How many sweeps old are they?”

“Old enough,” interrupted Karkat before the interrogation could continue. “Tavros did a good job, even if Her Glory decided to be a goddamn idiot and try writing on horseback.” Karkat withstood the glare Aradia shot at him. Tav needed a boost. “So yeah, trust me. The only way we’d be worried would be if your horses were somehow so far beyond horse that they didn’t deserve the name.”

“They’re just motherfuckin’ horses,” muttered Gamzee. “Nothin’ motherfuckin’ special about the motherfuckers. And if Tavros has good horses, which it sounds like, then fuck if I’m gonna be an impertinent bitchfucker.” Gamzee grinned, moving over to Tavros, grabbing Terezi (presumably for steadiness) before hugging Tavros suddenly again. Fortunately, the three of them didn’t fall over, though that may have been Aradia’s intervention. Karkat held his head in his hand and growled. This was horrible. And yet, somehow, he had a feeling this was only the tip of the iceberg.

He had a hard time keeping his sarcasm in check. “Two nights of it being just us six. What a stroke of fucking luck.” Vriska stood next to him, arms crossed in front of her chest.

“For once, Vantas, I agree with you.”

***

 **General’s Quarters, Imperator’s Palace, Ithenoi**

Equius’s place was, as usual, a complete mess. Sollux sighed as he picked his way through the various debris that cluttered the floor. He should have been able to keep his lusus; while few lusii were kept beyond the eighth sweep, Aurthour was, in all respects, the perfect servant for someone of Equius’s immense strength. “EQ, I’m here. What’th the matter?”

“Ah, Sollux. Good timing.” Equius grabbed a towel. “It’s… my current engagement with this… Harley character.” He mopped his brow. “Her blood is most lewdly light green, and yet she does not speak as though her blood is of a shade darker than that of the Khan. How on earth do I resolve such a contradiction?” Sollux rolled his eyes.

“Obviouthly, you treat her like a normal fucking troll, thhithead.” Sollux walked over to Equius’s recuperacoon. “Fucking hell, EQ. Thith ith thome of the methietht thhit I’ve theen in my whole fucking life.”

“Aurthour isn’t around anymore, and I am afraid I am far too strong to clean up my own living space without destroying it.” Sollux made a face and glared at the wall hangings.

“At leatht then you’d be rid of thethe godawful paintingth.” Equius grit his teeth.

“Do not say that, lowblood scum. Those are priceless works of fine art from the Alternian Period and, much like the great romances of old, they are the last surviving example of fine art from that era of our history.”

“Yeah, yeah, Alternian Empire, thpare me the detailth. Tho anyway, the reathon I came here. I jutht got a methage from Vrithka. Thhe thayth they’ve met up with the Khan and he’th going to be traveling with them. They leave at daybreak and they’re going to ride all day long, thtop at thome burned-outh city or another. Damned if I can remember what the hell thhe called it.” Sollux glanced at the walls. “Tho thhe wanted to tell me that they’re making progreth.”

“Progress is decent, but I still require an elegant solution to my problem concerning that indecent green-blooded daywalker. To have blood of such a bright shade, why, that alone would be nearly unthinkable, but she is so elegant and so kind and although she is indeed near my station I am still above her and as such a romance between the two of us would be… it would be indecent, Captor.” Sollux sighed.

“EQ, there’th nothing indecent about croth-cathte matethpritthhip. I thwear, it’th like you’re trying to make a big deal out of thith and failing tho hard. I mean, honethtly, there’th alwayth going to be thome thort of difference between your blood color and your matethprit’th, and honethtly your blood ith pretty high up the thpectrum tho I don’t think you’d have many optionth.” Sollux paused. “Didn’t you uthe to have a thing for Aradia, anyway?”

Equius sighed and looked at his feet. “Nepeta has informed me that Aradia’s red affections lie in the realm of that filthy-mouthed von Strider character with his gross mockery of the hemospectrum.” He glared at the book on his desk. “Indeed, I would stand no hope of attracting flushed attention from her. And while the perversity of the relationship was an attraction, I find that Harley’s mind and manners are quite attractive in their own way.”

“…Thomehow, hearing that perverthity ith a turn-on for you ithn’t thurprithing in the leatht.” Sollux sighed. “Jutht… be your uthual, dithguthting thelf around her. If thhe’th not put off by that, then you’ll do fine, EQ.” Sollux glowered at him. “Now, what I wanted to talk about wath whether the timetable ith proceeding well on your end. Ith everything ready?”

“The troop deployments have been planned,” replied Equius. “The marching orders are ready to be released as soon as we have word that the Khatan has left Selm-aht-Brûk. Our lord Imperator need only sign the orders when I present them.” He looked at his communication book. “As for the relics, I have created sturdy containers that will be able to hold our belongings without subjecting them to my enormous strength.”

“And the armor for twelve hortheth?”

“It’s still in development. I’ve almost gotten it perfected, but due to the quality of the materials this project you have dreamed up is forcing me to work with, it is slow going. I can control my strength, Captor, but you still ask for far too much.”

Sollux rolled his eyes. “Jutht do it, EQ. I’m going to go check in with the otherth. Thee if NP’th project ith going ath well ath yourth ith.” Equius nodded as Sollux left the room. “Altho, have you conthidered a lighter door?”

“To lighten my door would be to allow it to break,” replied Equius. “I have found that I have a hard time not slamming doors, and slamming a regular door causes it much distress.”

“Fine, fine.” Sollux dragged the heavy door closed, straining slightly as he used his psychic powers to assist in closing it. “Ergh. Okay. Now to talk to the next perthon. It’th either a meeting with NP or… I thuppothe a quick converthation with JN wouldn’t be too bad.” Sollux flipped open his book.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of On the Natural Order of the Ephemeral_   
jn, iit’2 me, 2ollux. plea2e tell me you’re payiing attentiion two thii2 book and ii’m not ju2t wa2tiing my tiime.   
hi sollux! you don’t usually talk to me, is something wrong?   
no, but jd 2ugge2ted that ii 2houldn’t talk two her for a whiile a2 2he’2 puttiing plan2 iinto motiion. 2o ii deciided two talk two you. ii2 your plan goiing 2moothly?   
yeah, sort of. rose and i are waiting for dave and jade right now. nothing much else we can do. also i have a message for eridan from rose, if you see him. i’d rather not talk to him again after he went all tmi on me about him and rose.   
ugh, ed ii2 completely iincorriigiible. e2peciially when iit come2 two r2. 2o you want me two tell hiim thii2 me22age? what ii2 iit and ii’ll tell you iif ii’ll be able two deliiver iit.   
she says she’s sorry, but tonight she won’t be able to talk with him because she’s going to be going over extended plans with dave or something. i can’t remember what exactly it is. something about preparing for a court of some kind. i think dave might be in trouble back where he is.   
he’2 dv, of cour2e he’2 iin trouble iin hii2 2tupiid liittle country. iit’d be weiird iif he wa2n’t. anyway, how are your plan2 moviing along? ha2 vrii2ka contacted you yet or not?   
yeah, she has. she’s been writing me every day now, it’s kind of awesome. i’m really excited about meeting her. and apparently one of your friends is making something for her?   
eq ii2, yeah. iit’2 2ome 2ort of mechaniical arm. he call2 iit robotiic2. iit’2 2ort of liike… ii can’t really de2criibe iit. are you famiiliiar wiith the concept of automaton2?   
yeah, kind of.   
iit’2 tho2e, only more complex. eq fiinally managed two get vk two agree two a priice, whiich ii2 apparently a lot le22 than he wanted two get for iit. even iif he’2 not goiing two have much tiime two 2pend iit. or many place2.   
haha yeah. well, i’ve gotta go talk to rose. we’re plotting the course to taurier, and then from there through the reich to jade’s place. it’s in a place called saint david or something.   
iit’2 2pelled 2engt daavød, jn. you really need two learn how two 2pell foreiign place name2. anyway, ii have two talk two np now, 2o ii gue22 we’ll talk later.   
ok, bye sollux!   
**

Sollux closed the book and walked over to the door to the Concubine’s chambers. Knocking on the door, he shouted, “Hey, NP! We gotta talk!”

Nepeta opened the door and grinned at him, dragging him in. As soon as she’d shut the door behind him, she hugged him and let out a squeal of joy. “Karkitty says he’s gonna try and be my matesprit!” Sollux sighed. “Soon as we leave Ithenoi!”

“That’th great, NP, really. Congratulationth are in order, I gueth. Anyway I have to talk to you about how your planth are going. Anything threat from the Imperator’th black concubine regarding a likely attempt on hith life?” Nepeta shook her head.

“No, I think I gave the successor to Cassan reason to pawse and reflect on what would happen if I thought the Impurrator were threatened with death.” She grinned. “Besides, Cassan’s successor is purrfectly timid. You really ought to meet him!”

“I’ve already met Pthedan. The little bootlicker wantth to uthurp your thpot. I’d thuggetht you keep your guard up around him, NP. Otherwithe EQ lotheth hith moirail, we lothe a dethtined hero, and thith whole thing goeth further thouth than Imperator Ghaiuth’th popularity before Eridan depothed him.”

Nepeta’s bottom lip quivered. Sollux predicted a few tears would fall He even predicted she’d go quiet. But he didn’t predict, through her quiet sniffling and tears, that she’d suddenly leap up and hug him, crying into his robes. “Sollux, it’s so touching you have concern fur me! You really do think of me as a furriend, don’t you?”

“Yeth, to an extent, now pleathe thtop hugging me.” Nepeta blushed and, in an embarrassed manner, backed off. “Thankth.” Sollux readjusted his spectacles so that they were again balanced. “Tho. You’re going to watch out for Pthedan’th machinationth, and then when we’ve left Pthokleth well who the fuck careth by then.”

“All right.” Nepeta grinned up at him. “And now, I purrpose you take a pawse from your purrtending and your purrdicting and join me for tea!” Sollux sighed.

“NP, I have people to contact. I have to thee if thingth are thtill going all right with…” The tears welling up in her eyes were too much. Did she have to be so good at playing the adorable little kitten? Sollux sighed, flopping into a chair. “Fine, fine. I thuppothe I can thtay for thome tea.”

Nepeta grinned as she leapt up. “Hm… what kind would you like, High Mage Captor?” Sollux leaned back into the chair.

“Thurprithe me.”

***

 **Alchemical Guild Laboratory, Sengt Daavød**

Jade paced the floor. The two requests of her fellow guild leaders had been incredibly easy to accomplish, and seemed almost trivial; Jade guessed that they were asking for simple things because of her time limit. The requests had been delivered, of course, by her own personal courier, who’d come back with letters of thanks that she’d analyzed. She grabbed one of her ingredients and poured. The fuel was going to be perfected, of course, and nothing would be able to stop her from perfecting it now.

Her book went off in the middle of all this. If it was Karkat asking her why the fuck everything was taking so long again, she’d probably verbally berate him. If it was Tavros trying to woo her again, she’d have to shut him down.

 **  
Harley, are you there? I hope my communication does not come at a time where such questions w001d be 100d. While I e%pect you are there, I will not bother you long if you are not.   
equius, how are you?? is something wrong?!   
No, thankfully. All is well. However, I have been afflicted with the most peculiar ve%ations regarding the plans of the lowb100d mage and his peculiar visions. Specifically, I have some romantic entanglements which he refuses to comment upon and help me sort out.   
oh, is it aradia again? i know it must be hard for you, what with her liking dave and all! but don’t worry, equius! i’m sure there’s someone out there for you. maybe a nice guy~   
Perhaps, but if truth be told I was pondering some rather f001ish advances. Harley, if a girl were to be wooed, what w001d she prefer to hear. W001d she prefer to hear sweet words of affection whispered into her ear, or w001d tales of conquest be more the style of a redrom attempt?   
who would you be trying to seduce, mr. zahhak? hehehe. well, i know i’d fall for the first one more readily. tales of conquest aren’t really what puts me in the mood for love. i know there are weird people out there who’d think that, but it’s not me.   
Well, I thank you for e%plaining the truth to me, Harley. I will endeavor my best to heed your advice in the future upon speaking with the target of my affections. Sadly, Aradia no longer occupies that position, but I will attempt to treat the woman with whom I am attempting to form a red romance as you have suggested.   
good luck, equius! i’m sure you can do it!   
Thank you, Harley. I must be off now. It has been an e%quisite honor.   
**

Jade sighed as she closed the book. True, Equius could sometimes be a pain to deal with, but he was really a nice guy underneath it all. Sort of like Tavros, only less hesitant and more assertive. She could see him treating a girlfriend or wife quite well, even if she didn’t see herself in that position.

She turned back to her alchemical stockpiles. “Hmm. Yes, this ought to be good. This sort of fuel will make the trip so much easier.” She stood up and began configuring her glassware for automatic production. She would need a large amount of fuel to make the airship work. Speaking of which, it was time to check on the engine and make sure the airship was still running. Her dreams had told her it would be safe, but Jade preferred to make sure herself.

Outside, she noticed the airship standing there, its incomplete hull exposing the engine block. She would have to finish that before they left, but first, she would have to finish the engine. And that would mean more tests. Tests she wasn’t eager to begin, but… Then again, who but her grandfather would have been?

***

 **Courtyard, Khatan’s Palace, Selm-aht-Brûk**

Kanaya sat up late, watching the sun rise. It was the early dawn that was her favorite time of day, and she always stayed up for it. Being diurnal was natural for her. True, it made her a freak of nature, but then again, so did her other behaviors. Her emulation of rainbow drinkers was enough to cause concern in everyone of the Khatan’s court, save the Khatan herself. Kanaya glanced at the sunrise. The cusp of day was such a beautiful time. It reminded her of her lusus, back when she had one.

Alas, six sweeps was too tender an age to lose one’s lusus to the ravages of death, but the lifespan of a virgin mother grub was exceedingly short. A mother grub who refused to brood was more often killed by harmful predators than the long, slow death from lack of sustenance. But Kanaya had been a good ward, and had kept the mother grub alive despite the incursions of predators. It had been tough work, really, but the guidance her lusus had given her had been worth it. And she wasn’t too proud to admit to crying when her lusus had died.

Then again, at least she had had a proper lusus. Feferi had had a horrorterror, which had left when Feferi was able to properly defend herself and strike down the former Khatan. Which she had done with exquisite grace. The Khatan had been said to be the final survivor of the Age of Legends. Kanaya disputed the veracity of that claim; if the Khatan had come from that time, surely her blood and Feferi’s would be the exact same shade. Feferi’s blood would not have been higher (well, according to the lore of the Fall of the Alternian Empire, at least).

She pulled the tome from her robes and began writing to the latest target of her red affections.

 **  
_missive directed at the keeper of The Calibrator of the Gallows_   
Terezi I Wish To Speak With You Concerning The Plan.   
H3H3H3 L4Y 1T ON M3, M4RY4M.   
I Was Wondering If When The Time Comes You And I Might Explore Some Form Of Romantic Coupling.   
COULD B3 1NT3R3ST1NG. 1’D PROB4BLY W4NT TO W41T UNT1L W3 M33T 1N P3RSON B3FOR3 D3C1D1NG, THOUGH. 4LTHOUGH YOUR J4D3 GR33N 1NK 1S R34LLY PR3TTY. W3’LL JUST H4V3 TO S33.   
All Right. I Thought I Would Inquire Because Unless I Am Mistaken You Are Leaving Your Camp Soon. How Long Do You Think It Will Be Until You Arrive Here.   
NOT TOO LONG. TWO N1GHTS 4T MOST. 3V3N 1F VR1SK4 W4NTS TO HURRY TO M33T H3R BOYFR13ND M1ST3R BLU3B3RRY SURPR1S3.   
Im Still Surprised She Finds That Loathsome Idiot Attractive. Redrom Is An Eternal Mystery As Is How Egbert Managed To Avoid Being Culled.   
M4YB3 H3 H4S 4 RE34LLY POW3RFUL B4TTL3 R4G3, L1K3 G4MZ33.   
Doubtful But I Suppose It Is Possible. When Vriska Next Talks To Him Have Her Ask About His Choice Of Weapons.   
WHY DON’T YOU 4SK? H3H3H3!   
Because I Can Barely Speak To Him For Five Minutes Without Feeling Like My Think Pan Is Being Gnawed On By One Of The Numerous Undead Of Legend. He Is Practically A Vacuum Of Idiocy.   
W3LL YOU’R3 GO1NG TO B3 TR4V3L1NG W1TH H1M FOR 4 WH1L3. B3ST G3T US3D TO T4LK1NG TO H1M.   
I Will Cross That Bridge When I Come To It.   
P3RH4PS H3’S 1N TH3 M4RK3T FOR 4 K1SM3S1S!   
I Would Sooner Commit Suicide. At Any Rate Good Luck On Your Ride.   
L4T3R, M4RY4M!   
**

Kanaya grumbled as she shut the book and shoved it in her pocket. John wasn’t her type. Her "absurd fetish" had been remarked on by other councilors, of course, and they’d been willing enough to humor her. She had a decent enough matesprit for the mating seasons, and thanks to court politics and the general hatred the others felt toward her she could afford to have first pick of kismesissitudes. This season’s had been Councilor Saranj, no doubt angering the many males who had wanted a black rivalry with her.


End file.
